Admiration Point

You walk through the restaurant gallery for what feels like the hundredth time. Six plates, each covered in intricate designs, sit in display stands on the bar's wooden countertop. You pick up a hammer and bang it on one of the plates. It cracks, and then shatters with another hit. That triggers a projection on the wall of an old TikTok where the artist of these plates smashes a plate identical to the one in shards on the floor. You press the "cleanup" button on the wall and the shards disappear; the plate appears back on its stand. It looks like everything is in order. Maybe you should increase the fade time of the shards, because their disappearance still feels jarring. You take off your VR headset and haptic gloves to return to your workstation. It's unlikely that patrons will notice how long it takes for the shards to fade, but you want the experience to be as natural as possible, even though visiting a virtual gallery is rarely a natural experience. You feel satisfied with what you have so far and send it to the exhibit manager, Paul, for approval. [[Send to Paul]]

<span class="email">Maria, Thank you for your work on the restaurant gallery for the Banks exhibit. Sean would like to have another display with virtual food on the plates. He sent over 3D scans of some bowls from the collection. He said that the most important part is to show how the color change paint reveals the hidden message at the time the hot soup is poured in it. I'm not sure what the resources are for simulating temperature, so if that's a problem, please let me know right away. Paul</span> [[I'm on it]]

You didn't actually simulate temperature, but you create a state-change variable for when the "soup" liquid collides with the "bowl" art, and that's close enough. The noodle physics are still unnatural, but there isn't time to lovingly simulate everything. Paul took care of adding the descriptions of the items to your event space. You're pretty much done testing and now you're looking at the exhibit from the point of view of a patron. Sean did a voiceover for the exhibit introduction, but you mute it and just read the text: <span class="book">The Digital Culture Museum presents: ''Pottery for the sake of performance: the art of Jessica P. Banks'' Jessica P. Banks (1990—2061) was an influential potter in the social media era. Her plates and bowls were initially folk art renditions of popular cartoon characters. As her popularity grew, she stopped selling individual pieces, instead destroying them in performances that went viral on TikTok, a popular looping-video app in the 2010s and 2020s. In this exhibit, we present several of her plates in their unbroken form, but with the option of breaking them. Banks also partnered with Bowls & Stuff to create a line of color-changing pottery meant especially for eating hot soup in. In her initial designs, hot liquid revealed a randomized hidden message to the eater, and "noodle fortune" videos were briefly a popular meme. You can experience getting a 2030s "noodle fortune" in this exhibit! Find out more at the main table.</span> You walk over to the main table and choose the bowl with the hidden image of a koala bear. As soon as you finish, there is a pop-up that lets you share a video of your reaction to the fortune. You share it to PossePass, just to test that it's working and immediately delete the post. If you had more time, you would adjust the various video cuts that form the sharable video, but for now, you exit the virtual world and head to your computer to observe the gallery opening from a distance. [[Watch those patrons.->watch those patrons]]

At first there aren't very many people in the virtual gallery space, but as the hour goes on, there are enough people to make a second instance of the space to help with crowding. Maybe you should have made the virtual space larger? Paul comes into your office area. "Come on over to the break room! We're having a little post-exhibit celebration." You scream just a little inside, remembering one instance when Sean's predecessor gave you a definitive list of your work's flaws at just such an event. You quash your instinct to avoid the gathering and stand up mechanically, willing yourself to hope that it won't be that bad. In the break room, you snack on food that was traditional in physical exhibit openings, or so they say: a fruit tray, cheese, and some synthetic meats. There's a box of wine, too. Sean is there, along with his department chair, the marketing person, and one of the digitization crew. You notice Sean's lovely graying, curly hair and his well-fitting pants and idly wonder if he was hired to be a pretty face for the museum. You realize that he is the same height as your husband. Sean comes over to greet you. He squeezes you lightly on the arm. "Excellent job with the bowls! It was almost like using one in real life!" "Oh, thank you," you say, taken aback by this unexpected compliment. "I watched the video of you pouring hot water into one so many times!" "Your attention to detail really paid off." He smiles at you genuinely and returns to his conversation with his co-workers. You finish your grape cluster and your chat with your friend in digitization and [[leave work->home 1]].

You pick up her 4-year-old daughter, Gloria, from daycare and drive home. "How was lunch?" you ask. "Yucky. I don't like soup." "Oh, but you like the chicken soup we have at home!" "I don't like soup!" "Okay." After arriving home, you and your husband make dinner together. "How was the big exhibition day?" he asks. "I think it went well! We had enough people that we needed a second instance." "Did you inspire people to smash plates?" "Yes, people were smashing digital plates all over the place! You remember Sean, the new curator? He said that I did a really good job." "Oh, I'm glad that he appreciates your work." After the dishes are done, you sit down to check your feeds online. You are already in the work passel together with Sean on PossePass, but you add him to your friends passel. It's hard to get to know people at work when you're busy at your computer all day. Maybe this could improve curator-exhibitor relationships in the museum. There's a link from Sean's work passel to a paper he wrote on the cultural imperative of studying the age of algorithmic abundance. [[Read the paper]] [[Don't read the paper]]

{(set: $obsession to $obsession+1)} <span class="book">''On the cultural imperative of studying the age of algorithmic abundance'' Despite my stuffy title, I don't think we need to further academicize the ephemera of the 2010s and 2020s. During their height in the 2010s, things like Snapchat videos were meant to be seen once, not subjected to repeated viewings. We've all heard the tired argument that algorithmically-based social media were a main cause of the degradation of democracy in the then-United States of America. We've passed laws that forbid social media companies from allowing "just anything" to go viral. There are fewer deepfakes and trolls to confuse us. But what have we lost in the process? When was the last time you saw a video from someone in another country explaining how their traditional music is sung? Or any kind of political meme? At least people in the 2020s were talking about politics, however often they may have been trapped in media bubbles. We often talk of influencer culture negatively, saying that it was simply a new form of product placement that was even less subtle than the many soda campaigns of the 2000s. But influencer culture allowed women and minorities to have their time in the limelight, even if they had to sell a few "green" cleaning products to do it.</span> (The paper goes on to praise the complex references of several memes and viral videos). [[This is stupid.]] [[This is brilliant.]]

Eh, I'm not going to stay up reading this stuff. I'm sure it's interesting. To the right person. Time to [[sleep and then work.->Sleep and then work.]]

People of every era like their junk media. The people of the 2010s and 2020s were no more innovative than people of today. [[Sleep and then work.]]

Of course! The explosion of influencers in the early 2000s paved the way for the corporate sponsorships of political screamos in the 2030s and 2040s, which eventually led to an expansion of the definition of lobbyist. Which would never have been possible without algorithmically-based social media! Why didn't I see it before. [[Sleep and then work.]]

Your husband is "in the mood" tonight but the only action you want to see in bed right now is sleeping. You thought you were pretty much over your depression from last year, but maybe there's some lingering lack of lust for life from that. "Please God," you pray, "can you bring back my sex drive a little?" The next morning, you drop Gloria off at daycare and head into the office. Today you're working on a virtual event space for a set of ItchFix games from the 2040s made by people from the state of MGM (formerly Nevada). It's another Sean exhibit and he had the idea to display the games in virtual arcade cabinets, which are kind of like the film projectors of the videogame era. Do people even know what those are anymore? Luckily, there are several 3D scans of various cabinets online. You get the art for the cabinets from Eloise, and the 2D art from her intern. You're reading through some of the drafts for the exhibit text when you notice that about half of the artists have names that have a bunch of numbers on the end. Things like "james_8079" or "starphish007". Shouldn't we credit the artist with their real name? Normally this would be a question for Paul, your supervisor, but maybe it would be easier to just ask Sean, the curator, about it. [[Ask Paul about it.]] [[Ask Sean about it.]]

<span class="email">Good question! I will ask Sean about it in the next exhibit planning meeting. -Paul</span> [[Back to arcades in the desert.]]

<span class="email">Hi Maria, In the 2040s, RealID wasn't required for uploads to ItchFix. You could still use the internet anonymously, under assumed names. I've tried to find the "real life" names for the artists in this exhibit, but some preferred to have their ItchFix games be a separate persona from their other identity or identities. It's kind of like how you can separate your work and personal life into different passels on PossePass, but even more distinct. Thanks for asking. It's always good to get perspectives from outside the department. Maybe I should include an explanatory footnote. Best, Sean</span> [[Back to arcades in the desert.]] (set: $obsession to $obsession+1)

Over the last few weeks, you've put together the virtual arcade cabinets. The exhibit programmer is working on the integration of the cabinets with actually playing the games, and said something about running a virtual machine within the VR setup. To heighten the local angle, the arcade will be set in the Great Basin desert. You've been splicing together a few different textures to make a new sagebrush texture, but you've been thinking of creating your own design and variants. There's a lunch today for museum staff. It's for some administrator's retirement. Normally you would sit with your friend from digitization, but her table is already full. Eloise from marketing is telling some of her war stories at one table, and Sean is listening politely to his new co-workers at another. [[Sit with Eloise]] [[Sit with Sean]]

You sit next to Eloise, who is describing a traumatic security breach in the 2060s. "Someone hacked into our web exhibit on apps as parental figures. Instead of leaving their tag all over our exhibit walls, they replaced our text with absurd vandalism. However, the vandalism was just credulous enough that it inspired a journalist to quote it! There was a whole newspaper article about Peppa Pig's cultural imperialism in the 2010s. We did eventually find and correct the text, but Sean still occasionally whispers "Pepper and George!" when we're discussing exhibit security." "Wait, I thought Sean was just hired recently?" The exhibit on parental figures of the 2010s was before your time. Maybe ten or fifteen years ago? "Yes, as a curator. But he worked in digital acquisition in the 2070s when he was finishing his PhD." "Huh, I didn't know that." [[ask about Seans's history in digitization]] [[ask about exhibit security]]

{(set: $obsession to $obsession+1)} You sit next to Sean, who is talking to one of the conservation programmers about hardware. You think his name is... Doug? "The difference in computing capacity between desktops and phones really drove app design for a while. It's interesting how those limitations made developers go back to early videogame design of the 20th century—with 2D artwork and maybe only one or two inputs." Sean is saying this like it's a hot take, but isn't he basically stating a fact? "Well, now those limitations are gone, but we still like 2D games with simple controls. Look at Choice Words. Wasn't that started back in the 2030s? And people are still playing it. People could be looking at our 3D exhibits on their phones no problem, but there are just so many more interesting things out there." Doug seems a little dismissive of our exhibits. It's true that the museum's digital exhibits aren't as popular as, well, most things on the internet. "My mom looks at our exhibits on her phone! I think we did a good job of making the controls simple enough to enjoy no matter the platform." "And isn't that exactly what we want from our exhibits? Maximum accessibility so even someone from Gen Beta can figure out how to access them." Sean is smiling like he is in on some kind of joke. "That could prevent us from showcasing media that use eyelid position as a form of control, or hand positions without haptic feedback... why are you smiling? Wait, are you Gen Beta?" Doug has caught on. "I like to think of myself as having a young mind and being open to experience, but yes, I was born in the 2040s. Anything else you wanted to say about us?" "It's thanks to you guys that our government is at the worst point in history. Mass corporatization that ported open source software to drone-based computer terminals that charge by the hour? No thank you. But also, thanks for the cool music." Doug is smiling a little. "Hey, anytime. And I don't know if you've ever had an internet emergency on I-80 in the middle of the night, but those drone terminals have their upsides." The lunch hour is already over. You head back to your workstation. How old is Sean, anyway? [[Investigate his age on PossePass.]] or [[Go back to sagebrush.]]

"What did he do in digital acquisition?" Eloise swallows a bite of her turkey-mayo sandwich without even smearing her lipstick. "I'm not sure exactly what he worked on. I think he was combing through archives of Facebook memes from legacy accounts. He used some of that work in his dissertation. Something about how covid-pandemic memes influenced political activism. You'd have to ask him if you wanted to know more about it." "Ha, political activism! What a joke. As if any of us could have stopped late-stage capitalism from taking over." It's been the state of MGM since before your mom was born. You're already arguing with this dissertation in your head. "People back then still believed that they could change government for the better. If you think about it, it's really idealistic. They believed that people could remain "above" influences and evaluate political candidates and ideas neutrally, and that other people would make decisions that they thought would benefit society." "Yeah, that's nonsense. It would be cute if it weren't such a harmful idea. How are things going with the PossePass ads for the Banks exhibit?" You hate talking politics. "Actually, none of them were approved! I think the "fortune bowls" were a little too close to blind boxes for PossePass to be comfortable with it, but I'm going to try some other platforms." Eloise seems optimistic. The lunch hour is already over. You head back to your workstation. [[Dig up Sean's dissertation.]] [[Go back to sagebrush.]]

"Who do you think vandalized the exhibit?" you ask. This is more drama than you usually hear about. "I have no idea. I think it was some college upstart just trying to have some fun. We filed a police report, but I doubt they looked all that hard for the perpetrator. At least the vandalism was fairly benign." Eloise doesn't seem too concerned about now. "Were the conservation programmers able to identify how the attackers got in?" "Oh, this was twenty years ago before there was an official conservation coding team. I think our webmaster was also our security person, and usually he's very good, but there was an update from the engine that got pushed before it was stable. We had no control over it." "Oh. That's unfortunate." You can't think of what to say. The lunch is over. [[Go back to sagebrush.]]

You examine varieties of sagebrush in an online botanical dictionary. You double-check that your exhibit has varieties that have existed in the Great Basin Desert. After a few hours, you're deep into adjusting the texture of sagebrush stems when you realize that it's time to go home. You pick up Gloria from daycare and have dinner with your family. Your husband takes Gloria for a walk in the spring evening. You check on PossePass for a few minutes to unwind. Your friend posted a photo of an amazing pie. Excuse me, it's a torte, not a pie. One of your old co-workers posted about the textures she's making for the wilderness rehabilitation game they're making for hospital patients who can't go outside. The leaves on her wild roses have just the right amount of subtle variation. You feel like she's a better person than you right now. Oh, it's an update from Sean's personal PossePass. It looks like he's mountain biking with his son. It's not the best photo, but it does feature Sean's winning grin. Those bike shorts leave very little of his thighs to the imagination. {(if:$obsession > 2)[You could [[read the comments->Read the comments]].] (else:)[It's almost uncomfortable how differently he looks in sporting clothes. [[Mute his personal PossePass]] or [[do nothing]].]}

{(set: $obsession to $obsession+1)} There are a lot of photos of Sean with people who look like his family members. Are all of these people his children? Wait, no, this is obviously a couple. He must have adult children. Hmm, maybe there's something on his work PossePass? He wrote a whole book on the the rise of the scholar-influencer? Wait. A book. There's a better way to do this. [[Look up his authority file on WorldCat.]]

{(set: $obsession to $obsession+1)} Well, you had to look up how to spell his last name, but you were able to find Sean's dissertation online. It's called "Polarized polar ice: Facebook as a melting ground for the image of the "icy academic."" No, wait, that doesn't sound right at all. Eloise said it was something to do with the covid-pandemic. You amend your search. Ah, here it is: "I am once again asking for you to VOTE: Memes and political activism during the covid-pandemic of the 2020s." There is a picture of a man with white hair in a gray coat on the cover with the text of the first part of the article superimposed on it. You start reading it and it seems to be a fairly basic argument for Gen Z being highly sensitive to political messages and also willing to "cancel" companies or people who disagreed with them. They were highly aware of how information was used online and deconstructed many of their own ideas through creative means. You find yourself agreeing with his matter-of-fact prose style and feel puzzled when he alludes to a large faction of people who disagree with him. Well, everyone has their haters. [[Go back to sagebrush.]]

Onto the next thing. Your sister has created a giant earring out of polymer clay. Is this what she thinks performance art is? The weekend passes uneventfully. [[Next week->lunchroom chat w Jennifer]]

{(set:$alert to $alert+1)} "You two look hot. I hope that you brought lots of water!" That came off wrong. Before you can edit your comment, there's a reply: "It was hot, but I'll take that as a compliment ;-). No need to worry; we had an extra saddle bag of water not pictured here." . . . You feel yourself actually blushing. That was embarrassing. Do you... have some feelings about Sean? The weekend passes uneventfully. [[Next week->lunchroom chat w Jennifer]]

You feel like you should be better acquainted before making any comments. You go to his page and examine some of his previous posts. Wow, does Eloise like everything he posts? You make a resolution. That will never be you. The weekend passes uneventfully. [[Next week->lunchroom chat w Jennifer]]

{(set:$muted to true)} You try to keep your PossePass passels to a minimum. You put his personal account on mute, but keep his work one in your work passel. The weekend passes uneventfully. [[Next week->lunchroom chat w Jennifer]]

You don't typically take this much interest in the professional backgrounds of your co-workers. To be fair, Sean's work on //Loopscape// is interesting on a professional level. But your interest isn't just professional. You think fondly of that one time he smiled at you casually as you passed his office to ask another curator a question about object resolution. The time he candidly acknowledged his lack of expertise when someone asked about memory requirements of virtual archive space instances and deferred to you and the exhibit programmers. The stupid joke he made on his PossePass about the hypocritical way archivists at IDA refuse to record their meetings which had you snickering all day. You're confused about whether or not this is a romantic attraction, because something similar happened to you before, when you worked at the videogame company HyperActive. This was about ten years ago; before you were married. The senior art director, Johnathon, took the time to answer your many questions. He also taught you how to procedurally generate recurring foliage to cut down on loading times. You read his book on the subject and referenced it constantly. It wasn't just technical questions that he helped you with. You got his opinion on whatever guy you were dating at the time, too. He fought for you to be included on the credits of //ADHD Quest 3// even though you had left several months before its release. You were completely devoted to him. Maybe he liked you, too, in a mentorish way. He was so much older than you that you never really reflected on the nature of your relationship. You understand why you felt so devoted to Johnathon then. You had no idea if you could make it at a videogame company. You were desperate to prove that you belonged. Johnathon assured you that you did belong, and that he believed in your potential. He advocated for you when no one else would. His passionate recounting of your skills to Paul when you were interviewing for your current position is probably the reason you have your current job. So why are you having these feelings for Sean? [[You're feeling insecure about your job and its prospects.->insecure]] [[Stop kidding yourself, this is called sexual attraction.->sexual attraction]]

(set: $obsession to $obsession+1) There are comments from a few different people about their daringness to bike in the MGM desert. Someone asked Sean about what kind of biking gloves he was wearing. One person made a stupid joke about finding cactus needles in unlikely places. [[Comment on how hot it looks.]] [[Don't comment, that would be weird.]]

The curry your family made over the weekend is even better as leftovers. You are about to dig into some mindless YA novel to pass the time when your friend from digitization, Jennifer, sits at your table. She brought a big salad from home with lots of green stuff and some chips. "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while! Where have you been?" you ask her. "I've just been so busy lately! Sometimes I just skip lunch." "You need to take care of yourself! That looks really good. Is it kale or chard?" you feel slightly smug that you know there's a possibility it could be either. "Beet greens, actually! They are really nutritious. I can't believe that most people throw them away." "Huh, I don't think I've ever tried those." "Take some! What are you up to these days?" she puts some on the lid of your tupperware. You try it. It tastes terrible. The dressing almost makes up for it. "I've been working on the ItchFix VR arcade thing for Sean." "Hmm. I don't think I've had to do any scans for that." "We're just skinning digital content, so there aren't any physical items relating to the collection in the archive," you inform her. "That makes sense. Is Sean pretty picky about UX? He used to work at a game company. The one that germified looped videos." "Are you talking about //Loopscape//?" you ask. "Yes! That's the one. You could play on a team competitively or cooperatively, and you got points for identifying the people in the video or what they were talking about. Tagging stuff, basically." "Are you kidding me? //Loopscape// is what got me interested in art museums in the first place." You played it for two years straight. You were a team leader for most of that time, sharing tips on how to combine hashtags to create a new one for maximum points and minimum effort. Jennifer is eating her salad efficiently, but pauses to reply. "I never really got into it, but I guess it was popular." "What did he do on //Loopscape//?" "Who knows. He probably found rips of old videos and programmed the AI to clean the metadata." "That sounds... really interesting. I've got to get back to work though." You've finished your lunch before Jennifer is done with hers. "It was good seeing you! Good luck with the arcade exhibit." You head back to your workstation. It's blowing your mind a little that Sean worked on //Loopscape//. You are dying to know more. [[Email Sean asking him about it.->Loopscape email]] [[Ask your boss, Paul.->Loopscape Paul]] [[Do some internet searching.->Loopscape search]]

{(set:$alert to $alert+1) (set:$affection to $affection+1) (set:$knowsloopscape to true)} <span class="email">Hey Sean, I was talking to Jennifer and she mentioned that you worked on //Loopscape// back in the day. I was surprised because I played that game a lot as a teenager! What was your role at the company? Maria</span> [[Send->Loopscape email 2]]

{(set:$sawCV to true)} Paul is in his office. You walk over and say hi and make precisely two sentences of small talk. Then you cut to the chase: "Hey, I heard that Sean was on the development team for //Loopscape//. Is that true?" "Yes, I remember seeing that on his CV when he applied." "You were part of the search committee?" No one tells you anything around here. "Yes, I was. I think I even emailed you information on the candidates to see if you had an opinion." "Oh, yeah. Sean had the most technical knowledge from working outside the museum world and the other person had an amazing portfolio of digital exhibits from a postdoc at some fancy east coast place." "Yes, that's right. I wasn't sure if you had looked at those at all." Paul is looking at you with a tiny bit of reproach in his gaze. "The museum director is going to pick her favorite no matter what I say, so there's no point in getting attached to anyone at the interview stage." You know how emotionally invested you can get in these things. "Besides, if you ask a curator how they treat their exhibit staff, they're always going to say that they're nice to them and appreciate them." "That's a good point. To answer your original question, you can look at his CV in your email." "Thanks, I'll do that." You bring up his CV. This is even more information than you were looking for, but it does answer some other questions you had about Sean's educational background. He went to the Deseret State University. Could he be Mormon? His major was videogame development? You can't really blame him for that. Your major was technically 3D visual art, but you took a lot of videogame design classes. He wrote a book entitled //The Scholar-Influencer: Blacksmith of Flame Wars//. You find his work at //Loopscape// under "professional positions." It has the years he worked there. His position was "metadata and AI specialist." [[My curiosity is satisfied.->after loopscape search]] [[I want to read that book.->scholar-influencer search]]

You search for Sean's full name in quotes and //Loopscape//. He's mentioned on some videogame database websites. His title is simply "archival and metadata specialist." That could mean anything. There's a book result that comes up. The book is entitled //The Scholar-Influencer: Blacksmith of Flame Wars//. Sean actually wrote this book. Huh. You can see from the table of contents that there is a chapter on //Loopscape//, but you can't see what it says exactly. You're tempted to stop your search there, but you have an idea. You find the website for the company that developed //Loopscape//, Autotie. They work with content-hosting clients to develop metadata that makes it easier for search engines to find their stuff. Is it simply SEO? They have an AI that does most of the work, but humans who check the AI to relieve worries that AIs are replacing humans in their jobs. You find their "about" page and look to see if the page has been archived in the last twenty years. It has! You look over a few instances and see Sean listed on one of them: "Sean is our Internet scuba-diver who unearths treasure from long ago! After his dives, he formats the data so we can send it to you, and then he checks over the information you give us to make sure it will make sense to our AI trainers." That's similar to what he does for the museum, except he doesn't have to worry about training an AI. He just sends the data to exhibits. [[My curiosity is satisfied.->after loopscape search]] [[I want to read that book.->scholar-influencer search]]

<span class="email">Maria, Yes, I worked at //Loopscape// back when they were developing the game, and for a little bit after its release. I found a bunch of the archival footage that they used in the game itself, and I cleaned the user-submitted data to use with the AI trainer. It was really fun to work on, but videogame development jobs involve a lot of overtime, which I didn't like. My children were still pretty young and it felt like I didn't see them as much as I wanted to, even when I got home in time for dinner. I'm glad that you enjoyed the game. I wrote a little bit about my experience in //The Scholar-Influencer: Blacksmith of Flame Wars//. Best, Sean</span> [[My curiosity is satisfied.->after loopscape search]] [[I want to read that book.->scholar-influencer search]]

So Sean did work on //Loopscape//. He has a background in videogames just like you do. {(if:$obsession < 3 )[(link-goto:"Not obsessed")] (if:$obsession >= 3)[(link-goto:"You seem to be really interested in Sean, huh.", "CHAPTER 2 awareness")]}

{(set: $obsession to $obsession+1) (set: $havebook to true) (set: $book to "readch1")} You see that //The Scholar-Influencer: Blacksmith of Flame Wars// is priced for academic libraries and decide to get it from a library. Your local public library doesn't have it, but The Digital Culture Museum where you work has an electronic version, which you download. You'd really prefer a physical version, so you send it to the printer down in digitization, which can print books on demand. You say hi to Jennifer when you pick up the book. It's not pretty, but it works. <span class="book">''Cultural Heritage Professionals in the //Loopscape// Landscape'' When I was testing //Loopscape//, I sought out many different kinds of potential players, including professionals from cultural heritage institutions. They were quick to point out flaws in my data's ontology, but also voiced enthusiasm and support for linking semantic data from video materials. Part of //Loopscape//'s success relied on our adaptive tutorials. We made a series of tutorials aimed at different age groups and interest levels. Earlier studies on persistence in crowd-sourced structured data showed that contributors were most likely to persist if they had clear tasks within their area of interest. Because of how we structured the tutorial's coding and the existing video data, we could deliver tutorials themed around almost any specialized interest. For example, users reporting an interest in synchronized swimming could have a tutorial based around the sport. They would be shown images of two prominent synchronized swimmers and asked to identify them in a performance video. Users reporting an interest in faecore metal would receive a similarly tailored experience. If players had difficulty with the identification task, we switched them to an easier verification task. For all players, we varied the types of metadata they were tasked to find and allowed players to choose if they wanted to identify visual aspects in a video, samples played in videos, semantic content of what people were talking about, or verify automatically-generated captions. The captioning content was the most useful in making a lot of machine-readable data about the videos, but the other tags brought a richness to the data that is still difficult for machines to duplicate. While players felt like they were contributing to our crowdsourced data immediately, they actually did not contribute any new data until they reached a certain performance threshold. This was typically after three hours of play. Even after they reached this threshold, we continued to require verification from two other users to meet crowdsourced Dublin Core-like data standards set by the International Digital Archivists (IDA). Three hours in the context of a typical casual MMORPG is an acceptable amount of time for a tutorial, but for a cultural heritage institution's event, it is unacceptable. Museum professionals pushed us to create an intensive 30-minute tutorial that is meant to be completed in a one-on-one session with a digital archivist or experienced volunteer.</span> You keep reading until you realize it's time to go home. You keep the book at your workstation to finish reading the chapter tomorrow. This is definitely work-related. {(if:$obsession < 3 )[(link-goto:"Not obsessed")] (if:$obsession >= 3)[(link-goto:"You seem to be really interested in Sean, huh.", "CHAPTER 2 awareness")]}

Now that you think about it, you have been in the same position at work for over five years now. Some of your friends from the 3D art program are art directors now. You like your work and how you don't have to worry about telling other people what to do. But are you really going to be a 3D artist at a museum for the rest of your life? Maybe you can [[use your feelings to further your career|use feelings]].

That spine-tingling feeling when you make eye contact with Sean is definitely one of sexual attraction. It's also combined with the feeling that you want Sean's work to succeed. Not just his work, but his whole life in general. You wish that you could take care of him a little. You kind of hate to admit that you feel this way for multiple reasons. As a woman, you like to support other women in positions of power in your workplaces. And you don't like to feel devoted to a man who has no social obligations to you outside of work. Anyway, just because you feel attracted to someone doesn't mean that you need to act on that. What do you want to do? [[Let us never speak of this again.->ignore feelings]] [[I don't want to pursue Sean romantically, but maybe I can use these feelings to further my career.->use feelings]] [[I am going to chase this thrill and I don't care who I hurt.->homewreck]]

{(set:$anxiety to $anxiety+1) (set:$feelings to "ignore") (set:$feelingset to true)} Just admitting to feeling sexual attraction to someone other than your husband makes you feel ashamed. It's completely unacceptable to long for someone else's company this way. Maybe if you ignore those feelings they will go away. It looks like you have an [[urgent email->last-minute sponsor]].

{(set:$feelings to "use") (set:$feelingset to true)} In the past when you've tried to ignore your feelings, it only made them stronger. Maybe wanting to impress Sean at work can work to your benefit, like it did when you worked in videogames. It could inspire you to work harder or propose ambitious ideas. It looks like you have an [[urgent email->last-minute sponsor]].

{(set:$feelings to "wreck") (set:$feelingset to true)} This is the most excited you've been about anything, probably since you got married. You got a bit of postpartum depression after Gloria was born, but it wasn't in a sad-crying kind of way. It was a suffocating boredom; a numbness to any emotion that had you simply accepting that strong emotions were for other people. After Gloria was born, your lives became so much more domestic, too—staying in most weekends because neither of you had the leftover executive functioning to schedule a babysitter. You've given so much up to support your family. You deserve to have a little snack on the side. So does Sean, probably. It looks like you have an [[urgent email->last-minute sponsor]].

<span class="email">Maria, Eloise just told me that MGM wants some sponsored content in the ItchFix Desert exhibit. They already have the ItchFix-like game which the exhibit programmers are working on right now. We need you to make another arcade cabinet within the exhibit. We are still planning to release the exhibit tomorrow. -Paul</span> [[There's another email.->no art from Eloise]]

<span class="email">Maria, Did Paul already tell you about the extra cabinet the MGM people want in the exhibit? They didn't give me any artwork for the cabinet. Normally I would just rip something from the game itself, but since it's emulating the ItchFix era, the screenshots are really low-res. I'm traveling today, otherwise I would do it. Can you figure something out on your own? Cheers, Eloise</span> [[I know that no one else will do this, so I guess I will say yes.->Cabinet art]]

You tell Eloise and Paul that you will take care of it if they will just tell you what the game is about. This wasn't originally an ItchFix game, so the coding team will have to integrate it differently. It's a game based on the classic Handmaid's Tale series that uses a 3D scan of the player's face to make both the Handmaid and the Commander look uncannily similar to oneself. The characters look pretty dang good with your face, actually. The scene is where the Commander asks you, the Handmaid, to kiss him like you mean it. There is a touchscreen control option in the original that you won't be emulating in the arcade cabinet, so this will be more like a personalized movie than a game. Like a typical ItchFix game, the experience is over in less than a minute. The credits say that the game is co-sponsored with a beauty company, which you know has MGM has a parent company. Ah, they must have created a beauty filter over the player image scan. That would explain everyone's good looks. Looking at some of the costume design in the series, you're starting to think that a simple white and red block design for the cabinet could be uncomplicated and evocative. Come to think of it, reducing an acclaimed feminist novel to a scintillating, egotistical beauty ad is kinda messed up. The original book was meant to draw attention to the gender inequalities in society and the intolerant religious beliefs that supported them. [[Complain to Paul.]] [[Call out their hypocrisy through your arcade cabinet design.]] [[Just do your job.]]

<span class="email">Paul, I was able to look over the game and materials for the last-minute promotional cabinet. I felt surprised that the makeup company used a scene based on //A Handmaid's Tale// to promote their product. There is a mismatch in tone between the feminist dystopia and the appearance-focused nature of a makeup ad. It doesn't seem ethical for us to promote it, and even if we do, I don't think it will be received well. Best, Maria</span> [[His reply.->Paul defends Handmaid makeup]]

{(set:$cryingmaid to true)} You're not trained as a 2D artist, but you can fake it when you have to. You put a still from the show through a comic book filter to get a vaguely different image. In a thought bubble over her tearful eyes, she thinks, "Buying makeup will make me feel better." You are cackling. You send it off to Paul. He says it's perfect. [[Finish up the Itchfix Desert exhibit.]]

This advertisement is stupid, but you can't change that. You settle for a bold red background with a small outline of a white maiden in the bottom third of the cabinet. You're not much of a 2D artist, so you just cut the outline out from one of the promo images they sent. It's simple, but striking. You send it off to Paul. He says it's great. [[Finish up the Itchfix Desert exhibit.]]

<span class="email">Hi Maria, I appreciate that you are concerned about the mismatch between the makeup ad and //The Handmaid's Tale//. I believe this is deliberate on the part of the marketers. Since our funding as a museum comes for MGM, we don't have much say in this. Sorry I couldn't be more helpful. Please send the art as soon as it's ready. Paul</span> [[Make some mischief.->Call out their hypocrisy through your arcade cabinet design.]] [[Just do your job.]]

{(set:$freetimewhere to "testing")} The next day, you finish putting together the new cabinet. The coding team is having trouble integrating the game's camera and filter with the player's avatar. You usually double as a tester, as do all the members of the exhibit team. You are waiting for them to finish so that you can help test the exhibit before it opens this afternoon. {(if: $book is "readch1")[ [[Read more of the //Loopscape// chapter in Sean's book.->Loopscape 2]] ](else:)[ [[Find Sean's book and start reading it.->Loopscape 1]] ]} [[Do some searches on your illustrious co-worker.->Google1]] [[Read your fluffy YA novel.]]

{(set:$google to "foundVRphotos") (set:$obsession to $obsession+2)} You do a little searching on Sean. You're not finding a lot, so you search some of his old email addresses and find a few thinkpieces he wrote on digital archivism. You find his wife's name from PossePass and search a few databases on it, and you find a wedding photo of the two of them on an archive of an old VR social media called TenVR. In reality, it's a bunch of 3D images and videos that had a brief spike in popularity. It is adorable. You click on the contributor of the wedding post and you realize that it's his mother's TenVR page that goes back to the early 2050s. A goldmine of potentially embarrassing childhood photos. There's a VR snapshot of a teenage Sean doing something on a tablet. The caption says he's organizing his meme collection. He has a few other siblings who appear often in the images. Sean's often in the background reading. The account goes forward enough to show Sean with his first-born son in 2067. (if:$feelings is "ignore")[This photo of him asleep on the couch with his son is almost too cute bear. You reflect on your resolution to ignore your feelings. You seem to be failing.](else:)[There is so much concentrated cuteness here that it hurts. You note the URL for further study.] {(if:$freetimewhere is "testing")[(link-goto:"Testing time!")] (else-if:$freetimewhere is "postrecording")[(link-goto:"Time to go to bed.", "Postrec bedtime")]}

{(set: $YA to "YA1")} The girl and the two boys who are attracted to her are scrounging for scrap metal, trying to built some kind of radio in the dark ages of anarcho-primitivism. They must hide their work or risk being hanged for treason. In this chapter, there is a close conversation between the girl and the bad boy, who wants to completely break with their village. The girl thinks they could convert her uncle to their cause but needs a way to bring it up covertly. Non-threatening boy helps the uncle to devise a series of aquaducts to help deliver cleaner water to the village. What will happen next? {(if:$freetimewhere is "testing")[(link-goto:"Testing time!")] (else-if:$freetimewhere is "postrecording")[(link-goto:"Time to go to bed.", "Postrec bedtime")]}

It's time to test and you have found twenty different bugs in the last five minutes and you are logging them in detail and ranking them by importance. The other exhibit team members found some of the same ones and now you're merging your findings. You call your husband and tell him to pick up Gloria from daycare this evening. It is 3:30pm and the exhibit opening time is 4pm. You don't think they're going to make it in time. Neither does Paul, who asks you to set up a virtual waiting area where Sean will stall for time with a live virtual lecture on the exhibit. You hurriedly change out the posters in the virtual auditorium with some of the arcade art from the exhibit. You set the target of the exhibit links to route to the auditorium. Sean's lecture is a streaming video, since he doesn't have a 3D avatar set up with the exhibit system. It is 4pm and people are arriving and taking their "seats". While you set up the exits of the exhibit area to go down a hallway to the desert arcade, you can hear Sean hyping the patrons up about the exhibit. "The vast majority of ItchFix games are difficult to understand, with dense references to popular culture, but I've chosen a few that I hope will resonate with you today." He goes on to explain some common ItchFix tropes, and then gives acknowledgements to the other people on the exhibit team. He even mentions your work: {(if: $cryingmaid is true)[(set:$affection to $affection+1)"While we do have some sponsored content, our exhibit artist left a cheeky commentary on the game in the arcade cabinet's art, which promotes makeup using the classic Handmaid's Tale series."] (else:)["Do take time to appreciate our exhibit artist's attention to detail in the sagebrush surrounding the arcade."] (if:$feelings is "ignore")[If only he would simply ignore you, then you wouldn't be blushing right now.](else:)[You can feel the tips of your ears turning a little pink. Concentrate!]} The exhibit programmer gave you the go-ahead, and you make the final connection from the virtual auditorium's exits to the virtual arcade space. Sean is just wrapping up as you reroute the exhibit links again. Patrons are going to the exhibit now! Someone reported an issue where the link copied from the mobile version of the PossePass app never loads, and while you can't fix that, you send along the right link. You don't normally stay until the end of the formal exhibit opening when it's in the evening, but you do tonight. You are mentally exhausted. Paul notices that you're still in the office and tells you that the exhibit staff and Sean are going out for dinner. Will you join them? [[Yes.->Dinner with co-workers.]] [[No.->Go home and recuperate.]]

{(set: $obsession to $obsession+1) (set: $affection to $affection+1)} The six of you meet at the trendy Navajo place. Somehow you end up sitting next to Sean. He smells a little like generic deodorant and fresh printer paper. A few people get beers. You get a lemonade. You notice that Sean is drinking water. Add another point to the "likely Mormon" list. [[Ask him about where he went to college.]]

{(if: $sawCV is true)["I saw on your CV that you went to Deseret State University. How was it?" <br> "Yes, I went to Deseret State. I enjoyed it!"] (else:)["I assume that you have a degree in digital archivism, but where did you study for your undergrad?" you ask. <br> "I studied at Deseret State University." <br> "Oh, did you like it there?" Deseret State is a fine university, you guess.]} He shifts in his seat, trying to decide what angle to approach this from. "I'm Mormon and my parents wanted me to go to Brigham Young Seminary. Maybe because that's what they wanted, I specifically did not want to go there. Deseret State took me, even with my bad grades. I studied communications, but my heart wasn't in it. After graduating, I had a bunch of odd jobs doing freelance writing and social media for an art museum, which is how I got into digital archivism. Where did you study?" You feel a pang of jealousy. This guy didn't take his undergraduate seriously, but he still managed to have a successful career? "Oh, I studied at Brigham Young Seminary," you manage to say without sounding too dismissive. "Really? Are you Mormon too?" "Yeah..." you say hesitantly. Elder Pederson's recent talk on the evils of memory augmentation made you really mad. God loves all of Their children, including people who improve their brains through experimental surgery. You don't really feel like going into it now. "The 3D modeling program there is really good. I got to do character design for my capstone." "Oh, I didn't even think about modeling humans in an exhibit. It seems like a lot of work." Sean looks thoughtful. "It is." Not very many people would notice a piece of sagebrush that is improperly bifurcated, but they would definitely notice a human face where the eyes are off by two millimeters. [[Wait for him to say something.]]

You sip your lemonade. Silence is only awkward if you decide it's awkward, right? Your think that your small-talk brain died along with a few brain cells over the last three hours. "Paul mentioned that you have a daughter. How old is she?" Sean asks. Ah, yes, the family angle. Safe. "She's four. Her favorite things are pink ponies and frosted animal crackers. You have kids too, right?" "Yes, I have three sons and a daughter, and a grandchild on the way!" He smiles in anticipation. He is obviously very excited at the prospect. You've never really understood the appeal of grandchildren, but you can continue the conversation: "Oh, how do you feel about becoming a grandpa?" How is this man even old enough for that descriptor? "I can't wait to hold that baby in my arms. I feel like I already love her, even though I haven't met her yet. It's similar to when my wife was pregnant with our children, but even better, because I don't have to worry about sleepless nights and taking the other kids to school." He has a point. "Maybe that would make babies appealing," you say, sounding like some sort of heartless goon. "You don't like babies?" he looks at you pitifully. You mumble something about how much work they are. Your food arrives. You eat half of your Navajo tacos and save the rest for lunch tomorrow. Even though you don't know him that well, sitting next to him felt like sitting with a family member. Oh, there's a little lint ball on the back of his dress shirt. [[Brush it away.|lint brush]] [[Restrain yourself!|point out lint]]

(set:$alert to $alert+1) You brush off the lint. The texture is a little rough, and you can feel a little of his body warmth through the dress shirt. He is looking directly at you. He is raising his eyebrows. "There was something on your shirt," you explain. "Oh, thanks." {(if:$feelings is "ignore")[(set: $anxiety to $anxiety+1)Why did you do that? You are having a FEELING right now.](else:)[Heh. Are you are getting excited about that?]} [[Go home and go to bed.|Weekend Obsession session 1]]

"Sean, there's something on the back of your dress shirt." You point it out, but he can't see it. It's kind of funny to watch him try to look at his back though. "Can you get it for me?" he asks. "Sure." You pick off the little lint bunny. You can feel a slight warmth from his body through the shirt. "Thanks," he says. "No problem," you reply stupidly. (if:$feelings is "ignore")[(set: $anxiety to $anxiety+1)You shouldn't be feeling like this.](else:)[Is this the first time you've actually touched him?] I think you just made that more awkward. [[Go home and go to bed.|Weekend Obsession session 1]]

You apply for the job at DyadVR, interview, and are offered the position. Do you accept? [[Yes, accept the job.->DyadVR]] [[No, keep working at the Digital Culture Museum.->refuse job]]

You tell your friend that while it would be fun to work with her again, you're happy with your current job. You tell yourself that you're just now getting comfortable enough to innovate at The Digital Culture Museum. (if:$ignorefeelings is true)[Assuming your weird thing with Sean won't get in the way.](else:)[But you also feel like you don't want to lose the chance to get to know Sean a little better.] It's stake conference in your church, which is a larger area meeting where everyone meets together to hear from speakers chosen from the wards that make up the stake for two hours. You remember to bring a coloring book for Gloria and sit in the back of the cultural hall with her and your husband. The speaker, a 14-year-old who amazingly does not have any acne, is talking about the fruits of the spirit, and how praying helped her to love her annoying little brother. (if:$feelings is "ignore")[What if your problem is loving a little too much? Can the spirit help then?](else-if:$feelings is "use")[Yes, God gave you this love for Sean. But what are you supposed to do with it?](else:)[You feel a prickle of guilt. Lusting after your co-worker is not a gift of the spirit. How would your family feel if you actually had an affair? Assuming you could elicit Sean's cooperation.] Speaking of Sean, that person's gray, curly hair looks a lot like his. Surely you're seeing things. [[Surely.->Sean at church]]

You make some passionate love with your husband, which you actually wanted for once. As you lie next to each other, your husband asks about when you want to try for a second baby. When you were pregnant with Gloria, it was one of the worst parts of your life. You were on so many anti-nausea medications that it feels like you slept through most of it, when you weren't hiding from terrible kitchen smells. You say something vaguely about trying in a few months. As you are falling asleep, you think about how Sean mentioned your work to the exhibit-goers. He noticed you! {(if:$feelings is "ignore")[Aaaaaaah! You hate that you like that.](else:)[Finally! The next day you go back and listen to the audio introduction that Sean recorded for the Banks exhibit. His voice has none of the self-consciousness you're sure yours would have if you recorded a voiceover for an exhibit. He just knows he belongs there, telling people about stuff. Why can't you be more like that?]} You notice that MGM news covered the desert arcade exhibit with special attention to the //Handmaid's Tale// "game." {(if: $cryingmaid is true)[They even mentioned your arcade cabinet design for it, reveling in the hypocrisy of using a feminist work to promote makeup. Maybe they think that feminist outrage will be good for business.] (else:)[They even mentioned the attention to native plants in the exhibit environment. People in the state of MGM joke about how ubiquitous sagebrush is, but they have some pride in it too, it seems.]} You post the article to your work passel with a line about how you love your job (sometimes). Sean hearted it and (if:$feelings is "ignore")[you don't care about that at all!](else:)[your stomach did a little flip-flop.] Later that day, your former co-worker who is working on the wilderness rehabilitation game messages you: <div class="text"> <div class="messages-wrapper"> <div class="message from">Hey Maria! I just saw the article about your work on the //Handmaid's Tale// exhibit! I went and poked around the exhibit. The way you transitioned the woody stems to the leafy parts of the sagebrush was //chef's kiss//. The reason I'm messaging you is that one of our environmental artists just quit. Would you be interested in applying for the position? It would be fun to work together again.</div></div></div> [[Tell her yes.|get a new job]] [[Tell her no thank you.|refuse job]]

{(set: $obsession to $obsession+1) (set: $havebook to true) (set: $book to "readch1")} You see that //The Scholar-Influencer: Blacksmith of Flame Wars// is priced for academic libraries and decide to get it from a library. Your local public library doesn't have it, but The Digital Culture Museum where you work has an electronic version, which you download. You'd really prefer a physical version, so you send it to the printer down in digitization, which can print books on demand. You say hi to Jennifer when you pick up the book. It's not pretty, but it works. <span class="book">''Cultural Heritage Professionals in the //Loopscape// Landscape'' When I was testing //Loopscape//, I sought out many different kinds of potential players, including professionals from cultural heritage institutions. They were quick to point out flaws in my data's ontology, but also voiced enthusiasm and support for linking semantic data from video materials. Part of //Loopscape//'s success relied on our adaptive tutorials. We made a series of tutorials aimed at different age groups and interest levels. Earlier studies on persistence in crowd-sourced structured data showed that contributors were most likely to persist if they had clear tasks within their area of interest. Because of how we structured the tutorial's coding and the existing video data, we could deliver tutorials themed around almost any specialized interest. For example, users reporting an interest in synchronized swimming could have a tutorial based around the sport. They would be shown images of two prominent synchronized swimmers and asked to identify them in a performance video. Users reporting an interest in faecore metal would receive a similarly tailored experience. If players had difficulty with the identification task, we switched them to an easier verification task. For all players, we varied the types of metadata they were tasked to find and allowed players to choose if they wanted to identify visual aspects in a video, samples played in videos, semantic content of what people were talking about, or verify automatically-generated captions. The captioning content was the most useful in making a lot of machine-readable data about the videos, but the other tags brought a richness to the data that is still difficult for machines to duplicate. While players felt like they were contributing to our crowdsourced data immediately, they actually did not contribute any new data until they reached a certain performance threshold. This was typically after three hours of play. Even after they reached this threshold, we continued to require verification from two other users to meet crowdsourced Dublin Core-like data standards set by the International Digital Archivists (IDA). Three hours in the context of a typical casual MMORPG is an acceptable amount of time for a tutorial, but for a cultural heritage institution's event, it is unacceptable. Museum professionals pushed us to create a intensive 30-minute tutorial that is meant to be completed in a one-on-one session with a digital archivist or experienced volunteer.</span> {(if:$freetimewhere is "testing")[(link-goto:"Testing time!")] (else-if:$freetimewhere is "postrecording")[(link-goto:"Time to go to bed.", "Postrec bedtime")]}

You pause your staring to hand Gloria some crackers. The man turns his head to whisper something to his wife. IT'S SEAN. (if:$feelings is "ignore")[Oh heck. Maybe he won't notice you.](else-if:$feelings is "use")[It's not that big a deal. Be cool.](else:)[Tread carefully. You don't want his wife to know what a simp you are.] The third speaker is an old man who grew up outside the state of MGM where they have things like trees and grass. He makes an anti-augmentation aside, but it's not the theme of his talk. His voice is soporific and you find yourself almost nodding off a few times. Sean looks like he might actually be napping. Either that or he's concentrating deeply. Oh, to have a napping posture that could be mistaken for ponderizing. After the closing prayer, you gather up Gloria's toys. You're crouched down, looking for a small plastic rabbit and trying to stay modest when Sean comes over to say hi. "I thought I recognized your singing voice," he says, "This is my wife, Wilma." You stand up and shake her hand. She's the same height as him in heels and wears a flowing light blue blouse with a tan just-past-the-knee skirt. You introduce Sean to your husband as "the curator of the arcade cabinet exhibit." They shake hands. Sean tells you they are in the second ward. They don't even share a building with you. (if:$feelings is "ignore")[Phew.](else:)[What a pity.] Sean says it was good seeing you. Your eye contact lasted longer than three seconds. You shiver internally. Gloria is very wriggly, and you manage to leave before she runs out the door. After dinner, you're scrolling through PossePass while Gloria watches a little TV.(if:$obsession > 4 and $muted is false)[ You go to Sean's PossePass and look at his most recent post. It's a news article about how the videogame //Outbreak// uses looping videos from the 2020s, some of which come from the collection at the Digital Culture Museum. Cool. You "applaud" the post.](else:)[ Your sister is promoting a very boring video where she's staring at the moon. It is eight minutes long. You are trying to watch the whole thing when you notice that there are crickets chirping. Huh. She must have added that sound in. After three minutes, you "applaud" it and move on.] That evening, you pray about whether you should have another child. You feel that God would support you somehow if you had another child. You still feel scared to get pregnant again. Maybe you can put off deciding a little longer. [[Onto work!->3D humans]]

It's the beginning of a new exhibit project! Eloise is heading up the project, even though she's not technically a curator, and she's asked you to construct 3D models of bloggers that were popular at the turn of the century. The idea is that video of a blogger speaking their most impactful words will be more engaging than an exhibit of pure text. None of them are living anymore, which is great, because then they can't critique your work. You start on Ronalene Hales, a Mormon mommy blogger who rose to popularity in 2007 when her twins Reagan and Lincoln had issues with anemia that called the anti-additive crunchy mama culture into question. You take a generic pregnant twenty-something woman model and start adjusting it to match the five photographs that Eloise sent you. Eloise was clear that she wanted the model to be postpartum, since Hales would have just given birth at the time of the infant iron supplement controversy. You dress her 3D model in low-rise jeans and a long undershirt. Personally, you can't imagine wanting to wear another undershirt over your garment top. Did she actually live in the state of MGM? [[Keep going.->Sean 3D model making]]

You finish her model and the other four fairly quickly. This was your main task today, and you still have two hours to work on them. Just for fun, you start to make one for Sean. You tell yourself that it's just in case he needs to make a last-minute virtual lecture like with the desert arcade exhibit. You find his professional headshot from the Digital Culture Museum website. You //need// to know what his body looks like though. Oh, the photo of him in the biking shorts, that will be perfect. You find a few more photos from his PossePass page (but alas, no swimsuit photos) and start work in earnest. There's a mole on his neck, and his wrists are a little smaller than the standard fifty-something male model. Did he break his nose at one point? You're so engrossed that you don't notice when Eloise walks in. "Doing a little extra credit?" she asks. Her eyebrows aren't waggling, but her voice sounds like they are. {(if:$feelings is "ignore")["Yeah, this is, it's for, just in case, uh, in case Sean needs to deliver a virtual lecture.](else-if:$feelings is "use")["Yeah, I was so surprised to find out that we don't have a 3D model for him!](else:)["You know me. I just want to be teacher's pet.]} What do you think?" You put the clothes layer back on the model. For dignity reasons. "It's a pretty good likeness. We should definitely have one of these on hand." For some reason thinking of his 3D model "on hand" makes you feel a little dirty. You show Eloise the 3D models you made for her work. She's happy so far. She's having the exhibit programmer work on synthesizing their voices or finding a suitable substitute in the absence of vocal samples. She tells you how she wants the models to be set up like a theatrical performance, which you agree is a better idea than trying to make them interactive. For the setting, she wants you to create a home with rooms that come from each blogger's house. She promises to send you reference photos for the rooms. She explains the blocking marks she's made on the script, but you'll need to animate their facial expressions. As she's leaving, she says, "You should show Sean his 3D model! When he approves it, we'll be able to use it for exhibits." The thought embarrasses you a little, but she has a point. [[Send the 3D model of Sean to Sean.]] [[Don't send the 3D model of Sean to Sean.]]

<span class="email">Hi Sean, I was working on some 3D models for Eloise and I was thinking about how we don't have a 3D model for you in our library. I guess I should have asked you first if you have a bodyscan you'd like me to use, but I already started on one for you using some photos I found as a reference. Most curators have three costumes for their avatars—formal, semi-formal, and business casual. I included three possibilities. Let me know what you think. -Maria</span> [[Send the email.->Sean's reply]]

It's too embarrassing to send Sean his 3D model. What if he asks why you made it in the first place? Or where you got your reference images from? You have a nice start to his model if it comes up organically some other way. You go back to the 3D models of the women and start to work on their expressions. Luckily, most of these bloggers worked in a time when regularly posting public images of yourself was common, but it's difficult to find references for neutral and negative expressions of the bloggers. You find a few pouty children to work from though. It's been a while since you've done animation like this, but the 3D models take care of most of the work for you. [[Go home.->Post wardrobe]]

<span class="email">Hello Maria, You were right to assume that I didn't have a bodyscan on hand—I'm not much of a VR gamer. Nice work on my 3D model. Did you use photos from my PossePass? I'm sending a few photos of my hands because that's the part that seems the most uncanny to me when I jump in an exhibit in this avatar. There's also a small scar on my chin that I didn't see on the avatar. I'm particular about my wardrobe. Can we meet to discuss the details? Sean</span> [[Set up the meeting.->Hands Sean]]

You arrange to meet Sean that afternoon. You might as well finish this now that you've started. Adjusting the model's hands to match Sean's photos feels invasively intimate, even more than adjusting the model's thighs. His knuckles are unexpectedly knobbly, and he keeps his fingernails shorter than the default fingernail length. You adjust some of the knuckle wrinkles, the shade of the arm hair, and the opacity of the skin on the palms. To prepare for your meeting, you review a few different ways that Sean could give you textures for the 3D model's clothing, and then it's [[time for your meeting->Sean's wardrobe]].

(set:$seaninoffice to true) Sean comes to your office at exactly the appointed time. He wants a tuxedo with a vest for the formal outfit, and at one point he takes your mouse to slide to the exact shade of color and reflectiveness he has in mind. Your little wardrobe database doesn't have the right tweed for his business casual outfit, although the semi-formal suit and tie was fairly easy to pinpoint. It's evident that Sean's IRL outfits come with a fairly labor-intensive eye for fashion on his part. You surrender your desk to him and he's paging through your virtual catalog of dress shoes when you notice that it's time for you to go. "I need to go pick up Gloria, but you can keep looking at the options on my computer." Setting up the 3D avatar editing software on someone else's computer is a huge pain. "But hey, at least I got your underwear right!" Temple garments in their bland and comprehensive coverage are an effectual shield against impure thoughts. "But of course," Sean says. A nervous grimace trickles through his mouth. Is he thinking about you dressing up his 3D avatar in underwear? His voice is unsteady for a moment, but he doesn't let it phase him long. "Tomorrow I'll bring in that tweed jacket I mentioned and you or Jennifer can scan it." "Yeah, I can take care of that!" You leave him in your office, hoping that you haven't left anything incriminating lying around. [[Go home.->Post wardrobe]]

Gloria gives you a hug when you pick her up from daycare. She seems a little more quiet than usual. On the way home, you listen to the //Loopscape// title music. You feel nostalgic for the enthusiasm you felt as a team leader for that game. You and your roommate were completely hooked on playing //Loopscape//. You were constantly thinking of crazy ways to get lots of points in the game. One night you went through //The Dog Breed Bible// and an entire community of dog breeders in an unprecedented streak of rare dog-breed identification. You can still distinguish between a Shikoku and a Jindo with no problem. Another time you took on the challenge of identifying both twins, Harmony and Sunny, in each of their performance videos. You were surprised to find Sunny on the drums in one! Gloria doesn't each much dinner, and afterwards all she wants to do is snuggle. You and your husband discuss how it seems like she's feeling sick. "I could stay home with her," he says, "but it would be better if I didn't." You feel the same way. (if: $seaninoffice is true)[Sean was going to bring in his tweed sport coat for you!] [[Volunteer to stay home with her.]] [[Ask your husband to stay home with her.]]

"I can stay home with her." Things are fairly calm in the office right now. Maybe it will be nice to have a break. You leave a message with Gloria's daycare, then email Paul to tell him you won't be there. (if: $seaninoffice is true)[You also email Sean. He replies minutes later with well-wishes for Gloria.] After you go to bed, Gloria wanders into the room in a tired haze and throws up on you before you can maneuver her into the bathroom. You spend the next half-hour bathing her and yourself. At least you can sleep in. After you give Gloria some medicine, you spend the morning reading a book while Gloria watches cartoons. While she's napping, you try to do a little work from home. {(if: $seaninoffice is true)[ Sean emailed you: <br> <span class="email">Hi Maria, <br> Thank you for taking the time to go through the wardrobe selections for my lecture avatar with me. I got Jennifer to make a texture file from my tweed coat. We did a few different sizes and orientations.(if:$havebook is true)[ I noticed that you have a copy of my book in your office. Have you been reading it?] <br> Sean.</span> <br> You reply: </br> (if: $havebook is true)[(if:$feelings is "ignore")[You ignore the question.](else:)[(set:$affection to $affection+2)(set:$knowslikeabots to true) <span class="email">Hi Sean, <br> Yeah, I started reading your book!(if:$knowsloopscape is true)[I think I mentioned that I was a big //Loopscape// player back in the day.](else:)[I was really into //Loopscape// in college.] I had my own team—maybe you've heard of the Likeabots? I'm curious about what happened with all that data I contributed. <br> Maria.</span> <br> Sean emails you back fairly quickly. Maybe it's a slow day today? <br> <span class="email">Yes, the Likeabots. I recall that your team got a bunch of points for labeling the "plankton" organism in every ocean video. But you were so productive most of the time that we didn't want to ban you! If you keep reading, you'll find out all the gory details. Evelyn tried to sell the AI before it was fully trained to disastrous results.</span> <br> You reply: <br> <span class="email">Yes, that was us! One of my friends wrote a bot that identified pirated logos which I think caused a major headache for someone. Well, thanks for these texture scans, I will let you know when I've put them on your avatar.</span>] <br> (else:)[<span class="email">Thanks for these texture scans. I will let you know when I've put them on your avatar!</span><br>]]]} You start picking out the wardrobes for the bloggers based on photos from their blogs. Gloria woke up a bit ago and came downstairs, but she's just lying on the floor. You work a little longer before [[getting her some juice->Gloria still sick]].

You ask your husband to stay home with Gloria and he agrees to do that. You leave a message at her daycare so they won't expect her. After you go to bed, Gloria wanders into the room in a tired haze and throws up on you before you can maneuver her into the bathroom. Your husband gives her a bath while you clean everything else up. You both manage to get back to sleep. It feels like a huge effort to get out of bed the next morning, but you actually make it to work early. Phew. You keep working on the expressions and blocking for Eloise's exhibit. {(if: $seaninoffice is true)[Sean brings over his tweed sportcoat. "I appreciate you doing this. I know I can be a bit particular about my appearance." <br> "If it makes you look good, it makes the museum look good too," you reassure him. <br> (if:$havebook is true)["Are you reading my book?" he asks, noticing it in your pile of reference books. <br> (if:$feelings is "ignore")["Uh, not really, I just had to look something up." Does this sound like an excuse to him too? <br> He smirks. "Okay."] (else:)[(set:$affection to $affection+2)(set:$knowslikeabots to true)"Yes! (if:$knowsloopscape is true)[I think I mentioned that I was a big //Loopscape// player back in the day.](else:)[I played a lot of //Loopscape// in college.] I was curious to know more about your involvement with the game and what happened to the dataset I contributed to as an avid player." <br> "Ah, yes. There isn't a happy ending, I'm afraid. Evelyn was determined that the //Loopscape// AI would be a technological breakthrough that would revolutionize the marketing landscape and make her a bunch of money. If she had just waited another year for the AI to be better trained, I wonder if things might have turned out differently. What team did you play under?" <br> "I was the team captain for the Likeabots," you say with a mischievious grin. <br> "Really? You guys created a little trouble for us with your addition of the "color" property. We had to recalibrate the whole points system." He's touching his baby-faced chin thoughtfully while recalling it with a smile. "Were you the ones behind the wave of "ABA" song format tags? You guys were so productive that we couldn't bear to ban you." <br> "And we got so many points doing it!" You feel a little bit of that "gaming-the-system" rush that you felt back then. You meet his eyes, your rebellious reveries emboldening your gaze. The eye contact feels like laser beams connecting, and it's hard to look away. You can feel your breath getting slightly quicker. Did he feel that too?]] <br> You pick up the sport coat and move it to the other chair to have something to do. "Thanks for bringing this. I'll bring it to your office when I'm done." Sean leaves. (if:$feelings is "ignore")[You are tempted to take a deep sniff of his coat, but you resist.](else:)[You put your nose on his sport coat and smell deeply. You feel your rational brain receding as you get so close to his smell. Is this his aftershave? It's slightly different from your husband's smell. It's more woodsy with a trace of an herbal oil like eucalyptus. You put the coat on for a moment. Ahh. This is what an embrace with Sean would feel like. You take the coat off quickly, realizing that a co-worker could walk by at any moment.] You take the coat over to Jennifer's office, where you borrow her scanner to take the texture scans that you need. On the way back, you drop off the coat at Sean's office. He's on a call and waves his thanks to you.]} [[Go home->Gloria still sick]]

Gloria still isn't hungry, but she has a few crackers with dinner. It seems like her fever has gone away at least, so it's back to business as normal the next day. She clings to you a little more tightly when you drop her off at daycare. You feel a little guilty when she starts crying "Mommy!" wanly after you walk her to her daycare room. You assure her that she'll have fun playing and that you'll pick her up at the normal time, and then walk away quickly so that her daycare teacher can distract her. Eloise wants you to fully animate the expressions on the 3D models, but there isn't a budget for hiring a motion capture actress. That means that you'll have to do the motion capture yourself. You think cynically about how it could have been cheaper for them to simply hire a look-alike actress and do a 3D recording of her performance. You'll have more control over the finished product with motion-capture animation, but at what cost? It feels like most people are busy right now, so you head to the recording booth to do the motion capture by yourself. You're no actress, but maybe you can fake it. Sean is in the booth recording something. You look at the schedule and see that he's due to be done in a few minutes. You put in a reservation for the next hour, clean the motion capture helmet, bring up the recording software on the computer, and open up your script. Sean comes out of the booth. The weather has gotten warmer and he's wearing a short-sleeve shirt with the top button undone. This must be part of his business-casual wardrobe. "Do you have the booth at 11?" he asks. "I do. Are you done?" The way he isn't exiting the booth makes you think that he isn't done. "Can you give me five more minutes? I want to do one more take of this last part." "Sure. Is that a voiceover for an exhibit?" you ask. "For the mommy blogger exhibit. You're working on that one too, right? Eloise asked me to do it." It sounds like you're not the only one who likes Sean's voice. You sit back down at the control room computer. [[Listen to Sean's voiceover take.]] [[Don't listen in.]]

{(set: $obsession to $obsession+1)} You put on the headphones. Sean's voice is there, so close to your ears. He's listing the blogger's names and telling how they used their blogging work to further their careers as writers. "Tracy McKay used her blog posts to write a memoir that was received positively in the Mormon literature community. Michael Austin, an active scholar in Mormon literature, wrote that "Every sentence is a carefully wrought work of art." " Tracy McKay—she's the author of the excerpts you'll be reading. You keep listening. He timestamps after every author blurb. He gets to the special thanks and you think that this must be the part that he was having trouble with. There are a lot of names. Looking into the booth, you can see that he's written the pronunciations in IPA on a paper that he printed out. What an adorable nerd. [[Get ready to record]]

You study the script that you'll be reading. The excerpts, written by a woman named Tracy McKay, are a combination of humorous observations and sincere, vulnerable confessions of strong feelings, both positive and negative. Depending on how things go, Eloise might choose to keep your voice acting or use the synthesized voice. You hope that she uses the synthesized voice for everyone. That would be more consistent. [[Get ready to record]]

Sean comes out of the soundbooth. "That should do it." He notices that you got out the facial capture helmet. "Are you doing facial capture? I can help you monitor the video feed." {(if:$feelings is "ignore")[You hate to admit this, but that would be useful.](else:)[You think that would be lovely.]} "That would be great, if it's not too much trouble." You head into the booth and put on the helmet. After doing a sound and video check, you read the first excerpt: "When you’re on food assistance, every molecule counts. I’m keenly aware that we are dependent on others right now, and I budget every penny, and every ounce of food. So, when the two week marker rolls around, I need to get to the storehouse. And no one else knows what I need—I have to swallow my pride and call the RS president and remind her that we need food. Again. And I feel horrible doing it—but I can’t just go to the store any time I like right now—so if I don’t get to the storehouse today, I won’t be able to get food until NEXT WEEK." Sean's voice comes in through your headphones. "That was pretty good. Do you want to do another take? With more outrage?" Uh. You weren't expecting to have a director. "Yeah, let's do a take two." You read it again, with a little more emotional expression. You continue through the next few excerpts, with Sean gently coaching you. You read the last one: "For the Record... this is absolutely IT. I am never doing this again. And I am saying it here, so you all can remind me when I start to wax emotional about how sweet another baby would be... unequivocally, I hate being pregnant. Not just me, but my body hates being pregnant." You are shaking. Tears are exuding from your eyes. Someone said exactly how you feel about being pregnant. And to say it out loud feels liberating, but at the same time, it makes you feel sad. Why couldn't you have had easy pregnancies like some of your friends at church? You struggle through the last part of the excerpt: "Oh, I know children are a gift, and I treasure my children, I really do, even this little unborn one. But, loving my children and being pregnant... so not the same thing! I have come to the conclusion that I can hate being pregnant, and I can still totally love my kids." When you finish, you put your hands on your eyes, as if you could hide your tears. Sean opens the booth and hands you a tissue. He looks at you, concerned. "Are you okay?" he asks. You take a minute to wipe away your tears. You feel embarrassed that Sean is seeing you in this vulnerable moment. "I should be fine in a minute." you manage to croak. Sean puts his hand on your upper back, guiding you to a chair at the control station where you take off the motion capture helmet. [[Put your arm around his waist.]] [[Don't do that.->No arm around waist.]]

{(set:$alert to $alert+1)} You put your arm around his waist for a moment while he guides you to the chair. He smoothly takes your hand from his waist and puts it on your own knee after you sit down. Was that... a rejection? He takes a seat and leans forward onto his knees conversationally. "My wife had a really difficult pregnancy with our fourth child. She was on bedrest for two months. Funny how that was our last child!" Ugh. Men will never understand the sheer body horror of growing a child. Feeling trapped in your own body. You want to scream at him. Instead, you explain: "Being pregnant with Gloria was really miserable for me. I don't know if I ever want to go through that again." You blink back a second wave. "Thanks for your help." "Anytime. Hopefully you'll get some good data from this recording session." He makes a small but wistful smile. "I just hope that Eloise uses the synthetic voice for these!" your voice cracks a little but you're stabilizing. "Why should she? I thought you did a great job. She can use synths or get real voice actors for the other ones." Is he flattering you, or does he genuinely not know the difference between amateur and professional voice acting? "That's nice of you to say." You upload the motion capture files to the cloud. It's lunchtime. [[Ask Sean to have lunch with you in the breakroom.]] [[Don't ask.]]

You sit down in the office chair and Sean sits in the other one. He leans forward onto his knees conversationally. "My wife had a really difficult pregnancy with our fourth child. She was on bedrest for two months. Funny how that was our last child!" Ugh. Men will never understand the sheer body horror of growing a child. You want to scream at him. Instead, you explain: "Being pregnant with Gloria was really miserable for me. I don't know if I ever want to go through that again." You blink back a second wave. "Thanks for your help." "Anytime. Hopefully you'll get some good data from this recording session." "I just hope that Eloise uses the synthetic voice for these!" your voice cracks a little but you're stabilizing. "Why should she? I thought you did a great job. She can use synths or get real voice actors for the other ones." Is he flattering you, or does he genuinely not know the difference between amateur and professional voice acting? "That's nice of you to say." You upload the motion capture files to the cloud. It's lunchtime. [[Ask Sean to have lunch with you in the breakroom.]] [[Don't ask.]]

"I'm going to lunch now—would you like to join me?" you ask Sean. That's bold of you. {(if: $affection > 3)["Yes, I'd like that."<br>"Great, I'll [[see you in the break room->Lunch w Sean]]," you say.] (else-if: $alert > 2)["Oh, I have some work I need to get done while I eat," he says. That's a lame excuse. Guess you'll be [[eating on your own.->Don't ask.]]] (else:)["Yes, I'd like that." <br>"Great, I'll [[see you in the break room->Lunch w Sean]]," you say.]}

You get your sandwich and eat it in the break room. {(if:$feelings is "ignore")[(if: $alert > 2)[You haven't been hiding your feelings about Sean very well. You resolve to do better.](else:)[You haven't been able to avoid Sean completely, but you think that you've been doing a good job at hiding your feelings.]](else:)[(if: $alert > 2)[You think that Sean might be a bit put off by your overt preference for him. Maybe you need to tone it down a little?](else:)[You like Sean, but sometimes you need a little time to yourself.]]} Jennifer comes in right as you're finishing up and you say hello and goodbye. You spend the rest of the afternoon working your motion capture data into the exhibit. (if:$havebook is true)[You bring Sean's book home with you. Just in case you want to read it.] [[Finish working and go home -> Freetime3]]

{(set: $alert to $alert+1) (set: $affection to $affection+1)} You both have lunches from home. Sean starts microwaving his soup while you take out your sandwich. There is silence for a moment. You wanted this. Now what? "What got you interested in digital ephemera?" you ask. "Well, I was the social media person for Daughters of Deseret Pioneers for a few years. This was back in the heyday of microcasts." "Microcasts?" "They were a fad. Feeds of short audio that you could listen to while you're doing something else. DDP had an archive of short videos of women talking about their pioneer ancestors and tours of historic homes. I took the audio and edited it to make sense without the video and made microcasts with it. They never got super popular, but it made me curious about the culture of the time and how much of it was unintentionally encapsulated in these little videos. Things like what people drank, what they wore, and the kind of rhetoric they used to perform and persuade. I once saw a meme compare the beliefs of the early Latter-day Saints to conspiracy theories like it was a good thing! The way other people reacted to it was almost as interesting as the meme itself." "When you put it like that, it does sound interesting." "You could become a curator if you wanted to!" "No thanks. I don't think being a curator is for me. I'm a lot more interested in 3D art. I could see myself being an ephemera tagger though." {(if:$knowslikeabots is true)["Oh, with your experience leading the Likeabots, you would pick up archival tagging pretty quickly. I should see if we can get something like //Loopscape// set up for our current collections. Think of how much better searches could be!" <br> "That would be so cool!" you aren't feigning excitement. You are grinning like an idiot. <br> "Wouldn't it?" he smiles back. ] (else:)[(set:$knowslikeabots to true)"You know, I once worked at a company where we crowdsourced tagging for looping videos. Did you ever hear about //Loopscape//?" <br> Hear about it? You were one of their top taggers. "Yeah, I was one of the masterminds behind team Likeabots... maybe you've heard of them?" <br> "Really?" He seems genuinely surprised. "When were we not hearing about them? Every Monday I'd come into work anxiously anticipating what I'd find. That time your team used a bot to tag every instance of a human eye was kind of funny." <br> "That wasn't all bots!" you remember staying up half the night finding weirder and weirder ways to tag human eyes. <br> "It was the alien videos tagged with "chambered eyes - not otherwise specified" that got me. I was cleaning up after that one for weeks." he chuckles to himself. <br> "What do you mean cleaning up? We tried to be as accurate as possible!" <br> "Because most people don't search our database for compound eyes! And of course the other teams imitated you less accurately." He looks at you with a "those other incompetent people" kind of knowing smile and slight eye-roll. You can't help but smile back. ]} You finish eating the last piece of your orange and start cleaning up your lunch area. "Thanks for having lunch with me," Sean says. "No, thank you! Let's do this again sometime." you reply. {(if:$feelings is "ignore")[What are you doing? This is not ignoring your feelings.](else-if:$feelings is "use")[So far, so good. He helped with your motion capture recording. Maybe you can help him with ephemera tagging.](else:)[This is killing you. You just want to grab his linen dress shirt and kiss him already. Please.]} You spend the rest of the afternoon working your motion capture data into the exhibit. (if:$havebook is true)[You bring Sean's book home with you. Just in case you want to read it.] [[Finish working and go home.-> Freetime3]]

{(set:$freetimewhere to "postrecording")} After a dinner of yellow chicken curry, you sit with Gloria while she plays a game on her tablet. You have a little free time now. What would you like to do? {(if: $book is "readch2") [ [[Read more of the //Loopscape// chapter in Sean's book.->Loopscape 3]] ] (else-if: $book is "readch1")[ [[Read more of the //Loopscape// chapter in Sean's book.->Loopscape 2]] ] (else: )[ ] <br> (if: $google is "foundVRphotos")[ [[Examine Sean's Mom's TenVR a little more closely->Google2]] ] (else:)[ [[Do some internet searches on your illustrious co-worker.->Google1]] ] <br> (if:$YA is "YA1")[ [[Read another chapter of your dystopian YA novel.->YA2]] ] (else:) [ [[Read your fluffy YA novel.]] ] }

Congratulations. You successfully resisted a glimmer of attraction! Other environmental artists notice your lovely sagebrush textures and you are invited to donate a few samples to the world botanical texture collection. You keep working well without any embarrassing crushes. After a few years, you start working at an educational videogame company because the pay there is better. [[Ending 5/5: Not obsessed->The End]]

{(set: $obsession to $obsession+1) (set: $book to "readch2")} <span class="book">''Cultural Heritage Professionals in the //Loopscape// Landscape'' (cont.) We were getting to the point where we could have the semantic data-tagging AI do most of the initial work, and have humans verify its answers. The AI was still having trouble identifying human speech simultaneous with other speech. The initial censorship of certain topics on platforms like TikTok and Itchfix made it more difficult to train the AI on those topics, since users tried to avoid machine-detectable mentions of those topics. The AI was able to learn the most common substitutions in captions and audio for topics like references to war, sexism, violent crime and political extremification. However, due to a shift in meaning of some words and emoji, it didn't work as well with earlier films. Autotie's CEO, Evelyn Buckley, was eager to monetize the AI. Indie video-hosting websites needed the technology to compete with paid RSS aggregators. Legally, this was within our rights. Every user who played Loopscape agreed to release the data they contributed before we let them play. Buckley announced the plan at a presentation she made at the International Digital Archivists convention. Her plan was met with skepticism and feelings of betrayal from proponents of open-source software who had supported //Loopscape//'s development, assuming that its fruits would be similarly open-source.</span> {(if:$freetimewhere is "testing")[(link-goto:"Testing time!")] (else-if:$freetimewhere is "postrecording")[(link-goto:"Time to go to bed.", "Postrec bedtime")]}

{(set:$google to "foundVRphotos2") (set: $obsession to $obsession+2)} You return to Sean's mother's TenVR page. The captions give you little snapshots into his life growing up. His mother came from a rich tech family from the west coast, but met and married her husband when they were both attending the University of Ohio. He had some kind of office job and they lived in the midwest. She worked as a video conference team builder facilitator person? Someone who is cheerful and does their makeup to do remote work, anyway. Her work outfits are on point. Sean grew his hair out long as a teenager! The 2050s were a weird time. There's an old link to a videogame that he made. To your surprise, it still works. In the game, you play as a worker in a factory who has to sort objects in a limited time. You find yourself playing for ten minutes or so before looking into the website's root directory. You find his teenage neocities page, complete with a portfolio of other games that he wrote. You start playing "love sux", an obviously post-breakup game where the protagonist's memories of his girlfriend gradually get meaner and meaner, complete with a visual effect of disintegrating their photos together. (if:$freetimewhere is "postrecording")[(link-goto:"Time to go to bed.", "Postrec bedtime")]

{(set: $YA to "YA2")} Non-threatening boy has made friends with the girl's uncle and they are building an aquaduct together. Several families who have had family members die of dysentery are relenting to accept this most basic of technologies. Bad boy gets sick of waiting around and joins a technology cult that he found with his radio. The girl meets with him in secret and they share a passionate kiss. The technology cult has several ideas of how to convert some of the anarcho-primitivists to their cause. The girl says it's hopeless, but as she's falling asleep, she dreams of her family living in a modern home with electricity and running water. (if:$freetimewhere is "postrecording")[(link-goto:"Time to go to bed.", "Postrec bedtime")]

{(set: $book to "readch3") (set: $obsession to $obsession+1)} <span class="book">''Cultural Heritage Professionals in the //Loopscape// Landscape'' (cont.) The source code for the //Loopscape// AIs were not made open, but some of the code for //Loopscape// itself was, after public outcry. Vanessa Tilter was one of those public outcriers. On her popular PubPosse, she wrote, "Autotie is legally entitled to monetize crowdsourced projects, but we are also entitled to stop supporting such projects." Her post continued to criticize companies that profit from crowdsourced data: "There is no way to create an open access culture where companies can't simply profit from the unpaid labor of others. Capitalism and open knowledge are incompatible." She said that symptoms of the disconnect started showing in the 2010s: expensive books full of freely licensed scholarship, voice-search softwares, and library cataloging software that was obviously modeled off of Wikidata. Tilter's most popular opposing academic, Bond Ghalso, argued that open knowledge systems could not exist without capitalism because of the technology necessary to enact them. He relied on historical examples of the development of the Internet and measures to make computer code more efficient (and thus more profitable) as vital to the nativity of the open source movement. He cited examples of free knowledge institutions profiting from for-profit remixes from the 2020s, such as Google prominently featuring Wikipedia results and the use of freely licensed images in art textbooks. The reverse was also true. Redhat's pioneering efforts to meld open-sourced software with for-profit business was a model that many other companies followed.</span> {(if:$freetimewhere is "postrecording")[(link-goto:"Time to go to bed.", "Postrec bedtime")]}

You've killed enough time. Your husband is feeling tired, so you put Gloria to bed. She tells you that someone was mean to her at daycare and you promise to ask her teacher about it. She's extremely distressed that you bought her a new toothbrush and refuses to use it. After trying to coax her for a few minutes, you give up and tell her she doesn't have to brush her teeth tonight. Eventually, she falls asleep and you go to bed too. {(if:$obsession < 8 )[(link-goto:"Go to bed", "Not obsessed2 - sleep")] (if:$obsession >= 8)[(link-goto:"Go to bed", "Anxiety spiral")]}<!—could also make this dependent on anxiety being more than 0 —>

As you try to fall asleep, your thoughts keep returning to Sean. You think about how stupid you must have looked picking up toys at stake conference. And the piercing, thigh-weakening gaze you shared. How did you have the audacity to make a 3D model of him? And you started without even asking? {(if:$seaninoffice is true)[He was so gracious to accept your work and calmly suggest improvements. And you left him in your office? (if: $havebook is true)[His book was probably the most embarrassing thing in there though, and he didn't seem creeped out by you reading it. People write books so that other people will read them, right? Does he know that you've been reading about him in your spare time?]](if:$knowslikeabots is true)[ He knows about your time as a team leader in //Loopscape//. You are racking your brain about all the crazy stuff your team tried. The classifications you did with a bot on all the different colors of noise! You hadn't even thought about how humans would have to deal with your shenanigans. How can he not hate you a little for that?]} [[Maybe he doesn't hate you? -> not hate]]

Your interest in Sean has continued, but you haven't let it get completely out of control. You fall asleep quickly and when you awaken, you don't even remember your dreams. You get through your morning as usual. When you get to work, you find an intriguing call for [[grant applications]].

He actually mentioned your work, specifically, to the patrons in the desert arcade exhibit. {(if: $affection > 4)[It seems like he likes you, at least a little. You cannot fathom why. The thought makes you excited but also a little scared. What are you doing?](else:)[ He seems to tolerate you, but you're not getting the sense that he prefers being with you. But it's enough just to be tolerated.]} You wish that you could spend more time with him somehow. You imagine sitting next to him at an all-hands-on-deck work meeting. He leans over to whisper a snarky comment to you, his lip brushing your ear... {(if:$feelings is "ignore")[STOP. RIGHT NOW. You shouldn't be thinking about him. Didn't we promise to not think about this? You should shut this down. You change the fantasy: <br> //Jessica is sitting right behind you both. You reply to Sean's comment to both of them in a low voice. You all snicker and try to keep listening to the director ramble on about artistic integrity in a corporatocracy.// <br> You try to change the fantasy, but you keep imagining moments of emotional and physical intimacy—of impulsive, confessional emails that are reciprocated, of brushing elbows in a stake service activity, of archival disaster uncovering your shared affection... <br> Do you still want to try to ignore your feelings for Sean?] (else-if:$feelings is "use")[The thought of his lips so close to your ear excites you, which you weren't expecting. You entertain the fantasy a little longer: <br> <!—display gradually, to build tension—> //You put your hand lightly on his shoulder while you whisper a reply, which he laughs at. After several weeks of this level of intimacy, people start wondering how you came to be friends, but you ignore them. You ask him to co-curate an exhibit on subversive art in corporate games. It's amazing.// <br> Amazing? To live with that level of constant sexual tension? <br> //You can see in the way his pupils dilate when you make eye contact that he's attracted to you, too. But as adults, you can and do bridle your passions for your own purposes: work. It's agonizing. You feel yourself tense up in anticipation whenever you enter a room where he's present. Being aware of your twin desires and simultaneously not fulfilling them in the simplest way. Of reaching out with a hand of cooperation instead of a hand of caresses. Of valuing your fidelity to your marriage covenants over a passing passion.// <br> Do you still want to be friends with Sean, with possible work benefits?] (else:)[You push the fantasy a bit further: <br> //You go to the digital curation convention, eating dinner together after a long day of intellectual stimulation. There's a terrible booking accident and you have to use the same hotel room. He sleeps in...// <br> Oh, right. Probably his temple garments. What a downer. Hey, this is your fantasy! Get creative! <br> //He sleeps shirtless, a few dark hairs gracing his slight build.// <br> Slight? Compact? What is he, a car? <br> //You could possibly overpower his physical form, if you spent a few months at the gym, and this is sexy. Anyway, you can't sleep. You lie on his bed and ask if he can't sleep either. He blearily rolls over and confesses to his insomnia, putting his hand on your cheek. You gloss over the details of commencing infidelity and you're kissing passionately, then finally releasing the oppresive sexual tension of the last few months.// <br> Okay, but what would actually happen afterwards? <br> //You wait for the perfect moment to confess to your husband: right after sex. He's incredibly upset by your infidelity. "Are you in love with him?" You tell him yes. You also confess to your bishop and...// <br> Would you be disfellowshipped? Or just have to stop taking the sacrament for a few weeks? <br> //...you have to stop taking the sacrament during the repentance process. Sean gets disfellowshipped though, because he's been in church leadership before and should really know better. He gets a job at the United States of Unilever archives and you never see him again.// <br> Well, it's just a fantasy. It's not like you have to do these things that you think about. Do you still want to get down with Sean?]} [[I want to pursue a romantic, sexual relationship with Sean. ->For romance]] [[I want to see if I can be friends with Sean. ->For friends]] [[I don't want to think about my feelings for Sean at all. ->For ignoring]]

{(set:$feelings to "wreck")} It's such a relief to feel something. You don't want the excitement of this attraction to go to waste. Whenever you see him, you just want to be physically closer. How long has it been since you were close enough to hear his breath and smell his Old Spice? TOO LONG. At the same time, you know that if you come on too strong, you're risking an HR incident. And the insistent yearning that you feel would go away if you were actually together. You will bide your time until you can do unspeakable things to him. The first step is to increase the amount of time you are together at work. Maybe a collaborative project is in order? [[Okay. I have a plan.->postspiral sleep]]

{(set:$feelings to "use")} You know that your feelings of intense attraction to Sean are partially symptoms of your feelings of powerlessness at work. You would like to have some kind of influence over the archive's exhibits. It would also be nice if people would notice and appreciate the work that goes into making a 3D gallery space. As a 3D artist, you don't normally have that much control over the content of exhibits. But if you were friends with Sean, you could influence him to create an exhibit about something you care about, like ItchFix games about pregnancy and childbirth, or the unplumbed depths of readers fan theater on WeOwnIt. You have friends at work. But do you have any with as much power as Sean? Maybe he could encourage the museum director to increase your pay if that ever comes up. [[Okay. I have a plan.->postspiral sleep]]

{(set:$feelings to "ignore")} You feel intensely ashamed to even have these thoughts in the first place. You have a loving and affectionate partner. Doesn't wanting to be close to another man mean that you're not entirely satisfied with him? That's why you need to shut down these feelings of attraction. You try to distract yourself with planning out your day tomorrow, but the more you try not to think about Sean, the more you find yourself thinking about him. You can't sleep. You do a lot of Google searches on your phone for how to get over a person obsession. Their advice is to cut off all contact. Could you do that? You don't really want to leave your job, but maybe you could avoid working with Sean as much as possible. [[Okay. I have a plan.->postspiral sleep]]

Your anxious ruminations kept you up for a few hours, but after settling on a course of action, you manage to get enough sleep to fake it through your day. When you check your email at work, you find a call for [[grant applications]] that gives you an idea.

<span class="email">//The Foundation for the Promotion of Health History is pleased to announce that they will be awarding ten grants of $10,000 each to programs or exhibits that show how people cope with physical and mental trauma relating to global and local viral outbreaks, natural disasters, or displacement for other reasons.//</span> The call for applications continues with more details about the scope of the project, the application form, and the deadline, which is in three weeks. The application is clear that if you aren't a curator or outreach person, that you need to have one on board. You don't know exactly what you would do, but you have some ideas. Do you want to try to apply with Sean? [[Yes, try to get Sean interested in a project and apply for the grant with him.->grant application 2]] [[No, you have enough to do.->no grant application]]

(set:$grantapp to true) You start by writing down a few ideas for exhibits. You don't want to put in too much effort, in case Sean isn't up for collaborating, but you do put in an hour of research so you have at least one idea. You had recently read an article that mentioned the VR readers theaters on WeOwnIt during the second pandemic in the 2030s. Anything with fanfiction is usually a tough sell for exhibits because of the copyright concerns, but you heard about a group who changed the names of all the characters precisely because of these worries. People who knew the work it was based on could easily figure out who was who, but there were enough differences to avoid copyright infringement. You drop by Sean's office, but he isn't in, so you email him your proposal instead. Meanwhile, you need to [[attend to feedback on the mommy blogger exhibit->no grant application]].

You have a lot to do on the mommy blogging exhibit. Eloise has been contacting descendents of the bloggers and showing them your work. You knew this would be a bad idea, but you also knew that you wouldn't be able to stop her. Now you have a bunch of "feedback" to either incorporate or ignore. One of the descendants of Ronalene Hales, Jessamyne Brown, wants her 3D model to, essentially, conform more closely to conventional beauty standards. She sent you a photo from Ronalene's early college years to "prove" that your model is inaccurate. Since the blog quotes in the exhibit are from just after her twins were born, you gave Ronalene a postpartum body. So, she does indeed look different from the college photo. [[Make the suggested changes—it'll get Jessamyne off your back.->change Ronalene's model]] [[Keep Ronalene the same.->don't change Ronalene's model]]

{(set:$skinnyRonalene to true)} You can change Ronalene's model a bit. Most women's bodies change a bit postpartum, so you can see how one of her descendents would find it jarring to see her differently. You don't make her look exactly like her college photo, but now she probably looks more like she did two or three years after childbirth. [[Check the other 3D models.->Check the other 3D models]]

You're going to ignore this piece of feedback because you feel strongly that women's postpartum bodies should not be ignored. You remember how after you had Gloria, you were still wearing maternity clothes for months afterwards. To minimize the effects of pregnancy on women is to minimize not just their physical changes, but also the emotional changes that accompany permanent changes in one's body. [[Check the other 3D models]]

There's an email from Eloise. Oh good, she has the audio files from the speech synthesizers they were able to create for most of the bloggers. But she wants to keep your voice acting for Tracy McKay. Whatever, it's not like that many people will actually listen to the whole thing. Sean's voiceover is in here too. { (if:$grantapp is true)[(if: $affection > 4)[(set:$seancollab to true)Sean emailed you back! <br> <span class="email">Hi Maria, <br> Collaborating on a grant application sounds like a good idea, and the WeOwnIt readers theater seems like an untapped resource for research on digital culture in the 2030s. I have an acquaintence at The Foundation for the Promotion of Health History and I'll ask ris if ri has any tips on writing the grant application. Can you start on a draft for a formal proposal? <br> Sean</span> <br> You get started on the proposal right away.] (else:)[<br>Sean emailed you back. <br> <span class="email">Hello Maria, <br> That sounds like a really interesting research project! Unfortunately, I don't have time to take on another project right now. Good luck finding a collaborator. <br> Sean</span> <br> You feel a bit deflated. It's not like you would have gotten the grant anyway.]]} You spend the rest of the day integrating the audio files into the exhibit. The synthetic speech files have a plugin that automatically does the lip sync with your 3D figures, but for your own recorded files, you have to correct the lipsync manually. You get in the zone and the day seems to fly by. You go [[home for dinner.|husband convo]]

The opening for the mommy blogger exhibit was last week and it went alright. {(if:$skinnyRonalene is true)[Not one patron complained that something was wrong! A true miracle.](else:)[Jessamyne complained that her grandma looked nothing like she remembered her, but you're happy with how it turned out.] Eloise had Sean do a virtual lecture as part of the opening. (if:$seaninoffice is true)[Thanks to your foresight, he already had a virtual avatar in his favorite tweed to lecture in.](else:)[You spent half a day before the exhibit going over Sean's avatar with him to get everything right. (if:$kiss1 is true)[It was excruciatingly awkward, with both of you trying to maintain a distance that Norwegians in the first covid pandemic would have respected.](else:)[](if:$feelings is "ignore")[I guess that's what you want in a public lecturer.](else:)[Daaang, his avatar looked almost as fine as he did IRL.]]} {(if:$seancollab is true)[The grant application that you and Sean wrote was accepted! The Digital Culture Museum cleared the exhibit for next year's schedule too. You and Sean will use the money from the grant to travel to the annual North American International Digital Archivists conference. There you will show the exhibit digitally, but in a physical space. In-person VR setups can do more with haptics and real-life props than a typical consumer setup. That means that you'll need to have a hybrid setup for your exhibit—one in a completely virtual setting, and another designed for sitting in an actual theater in the exhibition space. The conference will be in the eastern coast of the United States of Unilever, which means you'll be flying together. (if:$feelings is "ignore")[You're not sure if you can handle that. Maybe you won't have to sit next to each other.] (else-if:$feelings is "use")[It might be a trip fraught with sexual tension, at least on your part, but you should be able to get to know Sean a little better.](else:)[It sounds like the perfect opportunity to really get to "know" each other.] You're [[starting to set up the virtual theater/gallery experience.->WeOwnIt exhibit]]] (else:)[You heard that Sean was awarded a grant from The Foundation for the Promotion of Health History. He's doing something on the generational effects of the two world covid pandemics. Good for him. You're going to [[go back to work.->Go back to work.]]]}

Months go by. You keep working. You find your work satisfying. {(if:$possiblepregnancy is true)[You get pregnant after a year of trying to conceive. Your pregnancy is, as you predicted, miserable. Gloria is so excited to have a little sister.](else:)[Gloria seems happy as an only child.]} {(if:$feelings is "ignore")[(if:$kiss1 is true)[You didn't ignore your feelings very well, did you? At least it's easier to ignore him now that he's paying less attention to you.](else:)[Now that Sean isn't paying attention to you, it's easier to ignore your feelings for him.]](else-if:$feelings is "use")[You weren't able to use your feelings to collaborate with Sean.(if:$kiss1 is true)[ Your feelings got the best of you in the end.](else:)[]](else:)[(if:$kiss1 is true)[You made a valiant effort to send Sean the message that you were interested in him sexually. He didn't reciprocate though, and now where are you?] (else:)[So, when were you going to put those moves on Sean?]]} [[Ending 3/5: Fizzled out->The End]]

You've already sent your first draft of the grant application to Sean, and now you're meeting in his office to discuss it. He only started working here a few months ago, but he's already hung framed art on the walls. They're stills from viral TikToks and memes that were popular in your great-grandparents' time. He's replaced the typical office lighting with several lamps from the mid-21st-century art deco revival. One wall has a bookshelf and a large TV arranged vertically. You sit in one of the two chairs facing his desk, which has his computer on it. It's hooked up to a multiplicity of vintage ports. Right now he has an old phone plugged into one of them. The sight of all the cables makes you a little nostalgic for early 21st-century cyberpunk. "How's the work on Eloise's mommy blogs exhibit going?" he asks. "It's getting closer to beta! Mashing up the different home styles has been a challenge, but it makes more sense to have one home than to have like, eight of them." It's been a nightmare, frankly, but you don't want to diss Eloise when you're this far into the project. "It's pretty ambitious of Eloise to arrange for all that work for you." Sean looks at you with worry in one eyebrow. "It's my job to see the curator's vision carried out, right?" you display your teeth in a semblance of a nervous smile. "You're an artist in your own right. The process should be more collaborative." He called you an artist. Yes, thank you! But where was this spirit of collaboration on the last two exhibits you worked on together? He told you what he wanted and you delivered. "I'll remember that next time we're working on an exhibit together." Oops, that sounded more threatening than you meant it to. "Ha, ha ha," you add, to make it seem less aggressive. He squints and replies, "I'll admit that I didn't ask for your ideas on our exhibits. Tell me your ideas too, next time." You'll believe that collaboration is on the table when you see it. "So, what did you think of my proposal so far? I mean, the first draft that I wrote of our proposal." you ask. You proposed looking at how parents dealt with the emotional stress of being full-time caregivers in the second world pandemic by creating utopian fantasies in their WeOwnIt fanfics. "It looks good! I love the idea of looking at the VR Readers theater in WeOwnIt. But after talking to my friend on the board at The Foundation for the Promotion of Health History, I think that we'll have a better chance of getting the grant money if we focus on the experiences of disabled, non-binary or trans writers in exploring performative gender identity instead of the experiences of primary caregivers." Hmm. He seems to have an inside scoop on this. His topic sounds interesting too, and it makes the VR readers theater integral to the thesis instead of just another venue for textual data. [[Go with his idea.]] [[Ask him to elaborate.]]

{(if:$seancollab is true)[You're excited that Sean agreed to collaborate with you on the grant application. (if:$feelings is "ignore")[So much for trying to avoid working with him. Are you trying to torture yourself? You can't help it... not only are his ideas attractive, but he's genuinely nice, too. Wait, no, stop thinking that!](else-if:$feelings is "use")[Developing a massive crush on Sean doesn't have to be a bad thing. Hero-worship is emotionally immature, but maybe that's just part of who you are at this point.](else:)[Everything is going according to plan. You have more excuses to work together. Maybe travel together? You imagine the sexual tension of sitting next to him for hours and you cannot wait for it.]] (else-if:$grantapp is true)[Sean didn't want to collaborate. Did you scare him off somehow? (if:$feelings is "ignore")[You should really be concentrating on your work-work anyway. He doesn't deserve to be that attractive.](else-if:$feelings is "use")[So much for using your feelings to get into curatorial work. Maybe you could have done something differently to get him to like you a little more? Or have been less creepy about it?](else:)[Something went wrong. Did you come on too strong? Or maybe you didn't express your marked preference for his company enough to begin with?]] (else:)[You've been trying to avoid Sean. But you haven't stopped thinking about him. (if:$feelings is "ignore")[Did you think avoiding him for a day would really make your feelings evaporate? You find yourself listening to his voiceover on the Jessica Banks exhibit.](else-if:$feelings is "use")[You didn't want to write a grant application with him, but you know that when his projects come up, you'll do your best work. You can always read his academic writings to feel a little closer to him.](else:)[You dreamt of bringing Sean to his knees with desire for you, but you couldn't put yourself out there. Maybe your feelings are best left as that—fantasies?]]} You turn your same thoughts over and over in your mind. It feels like they will not quiet. You get up and read a book for twenty minutes to try to distract yourself. It works for a little bit, but not long enough for sleep. It's already 2am. [[Pray for sleep.]] [[Don't pray. You can figure this out on your own.->nopray]]

"God, please help me..." [[to sleep.]] [[to stop thinking about Sean.]] [[to love my own family more.]]

You've gone into the VR space to check how the models look there. Oh, you haven't looked at Sean's model in VR space yet either, so you throw that in. You "walk" around the 3D exhibit area, which is a mid-aughts home with rooms that come from the different bloggers' lives. The bloggers come from a variety of socioeconomic backgrounds, and combining the different styles of rooms into one house is something that Eloise has insisted on. You managed by adding a lot more doors than were typical for the time period. Sean's introductory voiceover triggers when you open the front door. The kitchen and kitchen table area is central to the exhibit, with several women standing here, ready to speak to you. You make some mental notes about how to change the lighting. You didn't do custom haptics for the models, but the 3D modeling software came with some defaults that work well enough. The humans have the same temperature and level of squishiness, while the granite countertops have a cool temperature and high hardness. These basics don't please haptophiles, but hardly any home setup has equipment where more accurate stats would make that much of a difference to their experience. You've placed Sean's model in the center of the living room. You check that his clothes look natural with the lights and the sun on or off. You could get a little closer... [[Yes, investigate Seans' 3D model more closely.->3D Babiee]] [[No, leave the poor doppelganger alone and go check your email.->email]]

You turn eye contact with the player character on, and now Sean is gazing into your eyes. Not Sean. His 3D model. Somehow making eye contact isn't as exciting this way. You reach out to feel the textures of the clothes on Sean's model. There isn't much variation between them, because like you noted earlier, the haptics are fairly basic. You run your hand down his arm. Its arm. You hold it in your arms in an uncanny embrace—the haptic gloves don't go all the way up your arms and the illusion of corporality breaks. The way his 3D model does not react is chilling. This was completely unsatisfying. {(if:$feelings is "ignore")[Maybe if you keep this up, you'll be able to stop finding his presence so exciting.](else-if:$feelings is "use")[You're a little tempted to see if you can program him to be more lifelike, but you file that impulse under "definitely would be suspicious if someone else found out."](else:)[You briefly contemplate finding some sort of open-source plugin to make this experience better, but decide that work is not the place for it.]} [[Finish up here and check your email.->email]]

"It sounds like you have an inside scoop on what the board is looking for, so let's go with your idea," you say. "Great. I'll look for a few good subjects on the WeOwnIt archive and see what I can find and we can meet again next week." He just took charge of your collaborative project. "Oh, I can look for subjects too." You try to think of a good way to divide the task. "I'll look at performances from 2032-2033 and you can take 2033-2034?" Sean seems surprised, but not upset that you want to divide up the exploratory research phase. "It was my idea to look at performative gender expression. I can do the background research for it. Then you can do the persuasive writing in the grant application." "But you might overlook or miss certain things..." because he's an old man? You hesitate. "...that I could pick up on because of my different life experiences." He presses his lips together and thinks for a second. "Alright, you've convinced me. But let's both look at performances from 2032-2034." [[Soon enough, it's next week.->Meeting next week.]]

"Your idea sounds good too, but what exactly did your friend say that the board is looking for?" you ask. Sean leans back, his hands behind his head to flex his chest in a casual display of dominance. "One of the most persuasive and active members of the board is Gene Bently-Ivanovo, a specialist in early 21st-century sex and gender. Compared to the 2010s and 2020s, the 2030s is relatively light on research on the subject of the spectrum of performative gender expression. Our proposal would both fill a gap in the research ri is interested in and fulfill the criteria for the grant." Well. That sounds pretty great. [[Agree to his plan.->Go with his idea.]] [[Suggest a new synthesis. ->Combine ideas.]]

{(set:$combineideas to true)} You lean forward with your fist on your cheek. "What if we combine our ideas? We could look at the expression of gender in caregivers who are also non-binary or trans and disabled." "Hmm. That's getting awfully specific. Would we have enough subjects to draw on?" Ah, the rare confused Sean face. You take a moment to appreciate it. "Let's look. The WeOwnIt author archive has surprisingly extensive filters," you add. Sean brings up the site and finds the appropriate filters. Of course, not every user disclosed their disability status, gender, and parental status, but at least 30 authors meet your criteria. Some of them were even fairly prolific. "I think there's enough here to warrant more research," you push. "Okay, okay. Can you look at these and see if there's anything good enough for an exhibit?" he asks. "I'll take a look at the first 15. You can take the last 15." Maybe you're being too forceful in asking him to do some of the work? But you want this to be an actual collaboration, not just him signing off on your work and getting the credit. "That's fair. Meet again next week?" he asks. "Sounds great." you reply. [[Soon enough, it's next week.->Meeting next week.]]

You had to put in some hours over the weekend to watch all the fanfic readers theater productions that you wanted to, and you took extensive notes on which performances had the most interesting instances of openly disabled, non-binary or trans {(if:$combineideas is true)[primary caregivers] (else:)[people]} expressing their own gender and other ideas. You and Sean are comparing your notes on his computer screens. You're both sitting facing his computer behind his desk. It doesn't take long before you are almost talking over each other with your ideas. "I thought the robot Henry Blotter was an interesting example of non-binary gender expression. And that wasn't the only case of using a non-human avatar..." you start to explain. "The furry-utopia alternate-timeline of //Parable of the Sower//!" Sean guesses where you're going. "Yes, that one too! I was actually thinking of the version of Sherlock Holmes where they are played by a mail truck, and Watson is a UPS truck." "I don't think I saw that one..." "The author didn't tag their work with "disabled", but ey later talks about eir chronic disability on eir author website, which extended to the second pandemic period," you explain. Sean frowns in raised-eyebrow admiration. "Impressive." {(if:$feelings is "ignore")[In an attempt not to react to Sean's appreciation of your work, you blush involuntarily and deeply. "You don't need to be ashamed of your research. You did a good job!" Sean tries to reassure you. <br> "No, it's not that!" you blurt. <br> "Then why are you blushing?" Sean asks. <br> "No reason!" you say unconvincingly.] (else-if:$feelings is "use")[You may have gone a little overboard with your research to elicit this exact reaction. You let yourself feel proud of your work for a moment with a self-satisfied smile. "You found a few things that I had dismissed prematurely, like the Star Wars theater where everyone is a Wookie." <br> "Yes, that one is //definitely// worthy of serious study," Sean replies sarcastically.] (else:)["There was a scandalous scene where an injured Holmes actually goes inside the delivery truck," you add, "and the doors of the truck shut him in." <br> Sean squints in confusion. "Is that supposed to be sexy?" <br> "Probably just an amusing allusion."]} Your faces are unusually proximate at the end of this discussion. He inhales in a sigh, prompting you to do the same. [[Kiss him->Kiss1]] [[Lean in closer->Lean in]] [[Don't do any of those things.->restraint1]]

{(set:$kiss1 to true) (set:$seancollab to false)} You go in for a kiss. For half a second it seems like Sean is reciprocating this affection, but soon he pushes you away. He looks straight at you. "Maria, I //really// like you. But I want to be faithful to my wife. And I think you want to be faithful to your husband." Your face is getting hot. Your eyes are starting to prickle. What were you thinking?? Sean looks away, covering his eyes with a hand. "Maybe it's better if we don't work so closely together." Tears are streaming down your face in shame. You want to say something. Your throat is tight. [[Confess your love.->confess1]] [[Leave.->leave1]]

You do not kiss him. You do not lean into him. You do inhale deeply though, appreciating his closeness. Sean gives you a look. He looks... guilty? And amused? Is your attraction that obvious? [[Talk about the next step in writing the abstract.->abstract1]]

"Sean, I..." you clear your throat through your tears, "I love you. Not just you as an attractive person, but your ideas and the way you enact them." Sean looks up at you, his face a conglomeration of wistful concern. You're surprised to see that his eyes are shining. "Thank you. I've... really enjoyed working with you," he says. Is this the last time you'll make eye contact with him? "I wish you success in your future," you add, melodramatically, and [[leave.->leave1]]

You walk quickly to the bathroom. You lock yourself into a stall and sob for a few minutes. You feel like you've lost something precious to you: your friendship with Sean. {(if:$feelings is "ignore")[Now that you know a romantic relationship with him is impossible, maybe you can let go of your unacceptable feelings.] (else-if:$feelings is "use")[You impulsively let things go too far. It was folly to think that you could be friends with someone you feel so attracted to. But what were you supposed to do, ignore your feelings?] (else:)[Obviously, you made your move too soon. You should have bided your time a little longer. Every man is corruptible, right?]} You send Sean an email, apologizing for your behavior and offering to still collaborate. He tells you that he's going to apply for the grant with a different idea. By himself. Well. Well okay then. [[A month goes by.->One month later.]]

{(set: $leanin to true)} As you lean closer to him, you continue your conversation. The grant application template is on the other screen. "Have we done enough research to form an abstract?" As you gesture toward the farther screen, your arm rests on his armrest, touching his arm. He doesn't move away. [[Talk about the next step in writing the abstract.->abstract1]]

"We've found a lot of non-human avatars, but that's not unique to the second pandemic," Sean notes. {(if:$leanin is true)[He... still hasn't moved his arm away from yours. It's the height of the summer in the state of MGM so you're both wearing short sleeves.](else:)[You got distracted when you realized how close your bodies and your breaths are right now. You try to stop noticing your breathing.]} You're supposed to be thinking about something to do with the second pandemic. Something the plays have in common with the second pandemic. "Um, the content was escapist fantasies?" you offer. "That's common to most fanfiction, but the selections we've found offer a specific escapist fantasy..." Sean thinks. "...a community of misfits who fight a common evil!" you finish his thought. "...outsiders who battle a war of ideas rather than weapons!" he says at the same time. {(if:$leanin is true)[You move your arm away to](else:)[You]} make the "equilibrium" gesture of mimicking a balancing scale with your palms. "Yes, battles of ideas. There's also a pervasive mood that the main characters are somehow invisible." "...which has obvious parallels to how disabled people felt during the second pandemic." { (if:$combineideas is true)["And primary caregivers!" you add.](else:)[] } You end up writing the abstract collaboratively in the remaining half-hour of your meeting. Your chemistry is working in your favor and you've got more ideas than you can really fit into 500 words, so you both take some notes in a separate document for the inevitable exhibit text, assuming that the application is accepted. And even if it isn't accepted, this could still be a good Digital Culture Museum exhibit, too. [[A month goes by.->One month later.]]

You've been carefully watching and organizing tens of VR fanfiction readers theater performances. Sean got some of the codebase from //Loopscape// working with the WeOwnIt API and you've had fun tagging various aspects of the theatrical works. This time, you have an end goal in mind, and you don't spend time tagging fur textures from the same open-source texture maker. Instead, you've been tagging the literary tropes within the works: Magical temporary gender transformation, anti-capitalism, animal avatars, trans character headcanon, ambiguous homosociality, conspicuous bathroom scene, black-and-white thinking, children are real characters, etc. Sean has been tagging them too, and also organizing the tags themselves into hierarchies. In VR theater, there's a common practice where "off-stage" characters have their own scenes, separate from the main action. It can be something of a game for viewers to try to find these hidden scenes. You haven't had time to view them all, but when the reviews mention them specifically, you try to make a note. You've selected a few tropes that you feel best represent the themes of non-binary disabled {(if:$combineideas is true)[caregivers](else:)[people]} in the second pandemic: invisibility, isolation, and mental and physical pain coming from the ignorance and/or willful dismissal from others{(if:$combineideas is true)[, and guilt over feeling parental burnout](else:)[]}. You're currently creating story summaries so that patrons won't have to watch the entire 6-hour play to understand the themes that emerged. Some of the stories are extremely convoluted and you have the feeling that the author didn't always know what they were trying to do. There are loose ends all over the place and //deus ex//-type solutions to big problems. At the same time, you feel inspired by the level of dedication and craft displayed in creating a complete work, even if it is based on the ideas of someone else. The formal, in-person exhibit will have patrons wearing VR sets in an actual auditorium. You'll have a 20-minute program that starts whenever a viewer hits "start" on their VR set. Honestly, it would be easier to just set up a video of the readers theater selections on a projector, but someone at MGM refuses to let VR die. [[Get ready to go!->travel to USU]]

For dinner, your husband cooks up some Near-Meat while you steam some vegetables. Gloria is using a steamed baby carrot to explore her facial orifices. "We started to put the molds into production, since they were approved by all the essential people, but when they started, they found there was a giant leak. The factory workers had to spend half the day cleaning." Your husband is an industrial production manager. "Don't they have a check for that waaaay back in the production line?" you ask. "They did! And it failed that test! Someone hit "approve" despite that!" He's not angry, just incredulous. "How's your work going?" he asks. "You've seemed a bit preoccupied lately." "Oh, have I?" [[Talk about the Mommy blogger exhibit.->momblogs]] [[Confess to having a Thing for Sean.->confession to husband]]

"As you know, we've been working on the mommy blog retrospective. Eloise contacted the descendants of some of the bloggers we're featuring, and one of them, Jessamyne, didn't like the model I made for her grandmother." "Why didn't she like it?" your husband asks. Gloria struggles to use her fork with the large piece of Near-Meat, and you cut it up for you while you continue the conversation. "In the exhibit, she's just given birth to twins. So I gave her a postpartum body. But no one remembers their grandmother as being postpartum. She wanted me to change her grandmother's body to be more... conventional." "And did you change it?" {(if:$skinnyRonalene is true)["I did. The exhibit is going to be most meaningful for the descendants of the bloggers. I don't want the models to distract from the bloggers' words."] (else:)["I did not. Postpartum women often sequester themselves and we have few public examples of what their bodies actually look like. Women giving birth for the first time are surprised when they have a baby and can't fit back into their old clothes after giving birth or sometimes, not ever. My art should depict what we want to exhibit as accurately as possible."]} "Hmm. That makes sense." [[Clean up from dinner.]]

{(set:$confessiontohubs to true)} "Do you remember how I told you about when I worked at HyperActive, Johnathon kind of mentored me and I really looked up to him?" "Vaguely..." your husband replies. Gloria asks for more milk, which you get for her. You sit down again. "There's someone at work who I really look up to who reminds me of Johnathon." Your husband nods for you to continue. "Um. Do you remember Sean, who you met at stake conference?" "Yeah. He's one of your co-workers? He does something with exhibits?" your husband asks. "He's the new digital ephemera curator. He worked on //Loopscape//, this game I was really into when I was in college. {(if:$havebook is true)[He wrote a book about it that I started reading!](else:)[](if:$seancollab is true)[We're applying for a grant application together!] (else:)[]}" Your husband is silent. Is he angry, or does he just not know what to say? [[Clean up from dinner.]]

You start cleaning up and your husband gives you a big hug while you're washing dishes. His hands linger on your upper thighs. Hey, not in front of Gloria! Do you want to stop your birth control and start trying to conceive a child? [[Please no!->no baby]] [[Hmm, yes.->baby]]

After your husband puts Gloria to bed, you enjoy some better-than-average lovemaking.(if: $confessiontohubs is true)[ You wonder if he feels a little bit jealous of what you told him about Sean.] You lay in bed, feeling fairly satisfied, but you [[can't sleep->postcollab sleep]].

{(set:$possiblepregnancy to true)} You tell your husband about your decision to try to get pregnant again. After putting Gloria to bed, he enthusiastically assists you in the endeavor. But you [[can't sleep->postcollab sleep]].

In your tired state, you succumb to vain, pleading repetitions for a few minutes on the same theme. "Help me to feel calm so I can sleep. Help me to sleep deeply and to fall asleep quickly. Help me to not feel tired tomorrow." Well, it's not too late for a sleeping pill. Maybe you could get four hours of sleep? You take half an antihistamine. You are still anxious, but the sleeping pill helps to bludgeon your brain into blissful oblivion. You're extremely groggy the next day, but not as hopeless as you'd be with a sleepless night. {(if:$seancollab is true)[(link-goto:"Keep working on the grant.")] (else:)[Your anxiety continues in this vein for (link-goto:"a month.", "One month later.")]}

You're well aware that trying to stop thinking about something is usually ineffective. You're just not sure what else to ask for at this point. "God, help me to stop being so obsessed with Sean. Help me to be able to think about other things at least so I can sleep tonight. Help me to stop worrying about how much I'm obsessing so that I can relax enough to sleep." You visualize your mind palace, a cabin where Sean is sitting in an armchair in the main room. You ask him to get out and push him out the door. He's sitting on your front porch now, but a little farther away. You pull the curtains closed and sit in the armchair. You start thinking about a few improvements you could make to the models at work tomorrow. Somehow, you fall asleep. {(if:$seancollab is true)[(link-goto:"Keep working on the grant.")] (else:)[(link-goto:"A month passes.", "One month later.")]}

Maybe if you cared more about your own family, you wouldn't be so starstruck with your co-worker. "God, help me to love my husband and Gloria more so that I will want to be with them instead of spending more time at work. Help me to be able to balance my love of my job with being a good-enough wife and mother." You remember how Gloria brought back a drawing from daycare today. She pointed to one of three rectangles with sticks coming out of them and told you that one of them was you. She depends on you so much. You wish that you felt that overwhelming love that you see in other proud parents. Maybe the first step is simply to want to love. You resign yourself to that, and to sleep. {(if:$seancollab is true)[(link-goto:"Keep working on the grant.")] (else:)[(link-goto:"A month passes.", "One month later.")]}

You tell your husband about traveling with Sean for the grant. {(if:$confessiontohubs is true)["Do you really think that's a good idea?" he asks. <br> "If I ever want to be a curator, this will really help my career," you tell him. <br> "What does he think?" he asks. <br> "Um, I don't know, I haven't talked to him about it."]} You make sure to pack your passport to travel to the United States of Unilever, as well as a light sweater. You're bringing the VR sets and controllers and he's bringing the spare battery packs and power supplies. You've been messaging Sean to coordinate last-minute packing. <div class="text"> <div class="messages-wrapper"> <div class="message from">There are 40 VR sets but I only have 30 batteries. Did I miss something?</div> <div class="message to">No, 30 batteries is right. The assumption is that the VR batteries won't all go dead at the same time, so we should be able to get away with that.</div> <div class="message from">Just double-checking that I have the right things. I'll see you at 4am tomorrow morning!</div></div></div> The next morning, Sean picks you up in his car. He's listening to something electronic and syncopated. After some mutual kvetching about the early hour, you fall silent. "It looks like you're stuck with the old guy of the office for the next eight hours," Sean says. You realize that this might be the only time you're alone together during your travels. If you wanted to tell Sean about your feelings for him, now could be a good time. [[Yes, declare your admiration.->confess to Sean]] [[No, don't do that!->no confess to Sean]] {(set:$confessiontoseancrush to false)}

It's not too late for a sleeping pill. Maybe you could get four hours of sleep? You take half an antihistamine. You are still anxious, but the sleeping pill helps to bludgeon your brain into blissful oblivion. You're extremely groggy the next day, but not as hopeless as you'd be with a sleepless night. {(if:$seancollab is true)[(link-goto:"Keep working on the grant.")] (else:)[(link-goto:"A month passes.", "One month later.")]}

{(set:$confessiontoseanlike to true)} "Actually, I've been looking forward to spending more time with you," you say simply. "Really? Why?" Sean asks. "Because I admire your work and I like you," you reply. "Oh, thank you." Sean seems surprised. Is he weirded out? Why isn't he saying anything. You look out the window at some sagebrush. Wait, did you really say that? Right before you're going to be on an airplane together for an extended period of time? You find yourself suffering from delayed blushing. Sean notices your reaction. After a few minutes, he says, "I like you too, and I've enjoyed our collaboration so far." You feel a bit tongue-tied. "What?" he asks. [["You don't understand... I have a giant crush on you!"->confesscrush]] [["That... makes me happy."->endconfession]]

"Don't worry," you reassure him sarcastically, "I brought headphones for when you start snoring on the plane." "I have been known to fall asleep on planes, so that was good thinking," he replies. "Did you bring a pillow for me too?" he asks. "No, just my bony shoulder," you quip. "Ouch," he says in mock-offense. He snickers. {(if:$feelings is "ignore")[If you had answered sincerely, who knows what terrible things might have happened.](else-if:$feelings is "use")[Are you... flirting? Or is this a normal amount of sarcasm?](else:)[If you're mean enough, maybe he'll like you more.]} After parking, you both make your way to the airport gate. [[Continue your travels.]]

{(set:$confessiontoseancrush to true)} "I don't just like you, I have a giant crush on you!" you blurt. You can feel the blood rushing to your eyes and you cover them with your hands. You peek out to see Sean's amused smile. He has the decency to look a little guilty, at least. {(if:$feelings is "ignore")[You should feel guilty too. What are you doing??](else-if:$feelings is "use")[Your plan to use your feelings to motivate your ambition was working so well! Now what are you doing?](else:)[Maybe if you embarrass yourself enough, he'll think about you long enough to realize how hot you are.]} "I am pretty awesome, so I'm surprised this hasn't come up with more people," he casually deflects. His self-satisfied smirk makes you think that he's not taking you seriously. You can't decide if his response makes you angry or relieved. There's an awkward silence as you park and get to your airport gate. [[Continue your travels.]]

"It makes me happy that we're friends," you say. You both share a smile and brief eye contact. {(if:$feelings is "ignore")[You haven't succeeded in ignoring your feelings, but maybe this won't be so bad.](else-if:$feelings is "use")[Is this the right amount of self-disclosure? It seems to be working.](else:)[//Friends?// I thought you wanted to be more than friends?]} There's a friendly silence as you park and get to your airport gate. [[Continue your travels.]]

There isn't enough room in the overhead bin for your carry-on of the VR gear. It's more fragile than the items in your personal bag, so you have the flight attendant check in your personal bag and put the case with the VR gear under the seat in front of you. You take out a few things to entertain you during the flight. Sean nobly took the middle seat so you could have the window seat, even though you told him the window seat was better for napping. As you're getting settled, you notice that he's taken your shared armrest. [[Let him have it. You have one by the window.->cede armrest]] [[Well. Maybe you can share the armrest.->share armrest]]

You let him have the armrest. He may not have even noticed what you've given him. Is that book he brought really so fascinating? [[Try not to be weird for five hours.->arrival]]

You rest your elbow on the edge of the armrest nearest to the backs of the chairs. Your forearm is touching the sleeve on his tricep, but he doesn't seem to mind. You do though. You feel simultaneously exhilerated and comforted by this contact. Is it exciting because you're touching, or because you're holding your ground against a man? [[Cede the armrest.->cede armrest]] [[Commit to establishing your territory.->share armrest 2]]

You eventually calm down by distracting yourself with a book and somehow you forgot about the mental battle for armrest territory. You have gone back to being a solitary armrest possessor. [[Try not to be weird for five hours.->arrival]]

Sean lets you borrow his headphones after you discover that you left yours in your bag that got checked. Your fingers brush as he hands you a drink. You talk about metadata for two hours. He falls asleep on your shoulder and you don't wake him up. You resist the urge to take a photo of his sleeping face, tender in its public vulnerability. You think about all the strangers you've sat next to on planes, and how you've never attributed any significance to sitting next to someone for five hours like you have now. After arriving at your hotel, you get lunch together and check out the conference venue. The model of chair in the theater matches the one that they sent you, which helps you relax a little bit. The exhibit schedule is as you expected, and there will be enough room for the table of VR gear you imagined being outside the auditorium. There are some other people here who Sean knows, and he introduces you to them as his colleague. You wish that you actually felt like a part of the scholarly scene. You get to talking to another exhibit artist from Boeing State University. You commiserate over weird donor requests and promise to go to each other's exhibits tomorrow. The group of you hanging out at the venue go to get barbecue together. You sit next to Sean because all of the new people are draining your socialization endurance. The curator across from you is singing the virtues of Lexington-style barbecue to anyone who will listen. Your coleslaw seems more like a soup than a salad, and you're inclined to agree with him, but you're delighted by the crispy bits of pig skin in the barbecue meat. After the meal, the Lexington-BBQ-loving curator invites everyone to go to a nearby bar. You're not really familiar with bar culture and the idea of figuring out how to pay your tab sounds practically insurmountable. "Come on," the other exhibit artist encourages you, "you don't have to drink if you don't want to. It's not a den of sin or something." "You should go," Sean says. "You can just have a soda. Here, I'll come with you." You all head over to the bar, and like he said, it wasn't a big deal to have a non-alcoholic drink. You talked to a bunch of people but you are longing for the company of a quiet bed and sleep. You tell Sean that you're heading out and he goes back to the hotel with you. "Well, I'm this way," he says in the hall as he heads to his room. "Goodnight." you say. You've been craving spending one night by yourself after Gloria's new habit of jumping on your bed at 6am every morning, but at the moment the room feels strangely hollow. [[Send Sean a message.->Conference message Sean]] [[Send your husband a message.->Conference message husband]] [[Just go to bed.->Conference bed]] {(set:$messagedhusband to false) (set:$messagedsean to false)}

{(set:$messagedsean to true)} What kind of message would you like to send? [[Flirty.->flirtmessage]] [[Friendly.->friendlymessage]]

{(set:$messagedhusband to true)} You send a message to your husband, and he calls you on the phone. "It's a bit lonely without you, but we're managing," he says. "I miss you. This hotel room seems way too big for just one person." "Hug a pillow and pretend it's me!" he advises. "Hmmm. Not the same." You chat a little longer and bid each other goodnight. [[Go to bed.->Conference bed]] (if: $messagedsean is false)[[[Message Sean.->Conference message Sean]]]

You sleep soundly in the strange bed. When you wake up the next morning, you're ready to work! Sean is surrounded by friends at the conference breakfast, so you sit at a half-filled table and chat to some other attendees. They're a mixture of pop-culture historians, curators, and museum people. Afterwards, you and Sean start setting up the VR headsets outside the main auditorium where everyone is listening to the opening keynote speaker. The day goes well enough—a few headsets malfunction for frustrating reasons that you can't fix right away, but a good amount of people stop by. Sean insists that you enjoy part of the conference, and he mans the table solo while you go to a session on virtual environments. You meet the three other people who have your same job description and exchange contact info with them. During your busiest time, all of your headsets are used and you give out links for people to see the exhibit on their own devices. Sean saves you a seat at the conference dinner after you pack up. The fresh lobster is very good. The last speaker of the evening shows off some of her latest archival discoveries, including a set of parody videos of a presidential mishap you've never heard of. You head back to the hotel early to test and charge the headsets. Sean comes with you to help. He's taken off his tweed jacket and left it folded on the unused side of the bed. The top button on his dress shirt is unbuttoned and his tie is loosened. He sets up the charging station while you run a diagnostic on a headset that couldn't connect to the internet midday. "Which ones were the other ones that weren't working?" he asks. "I took off the headstrap on them." "Oh here, I found them." Sean sits on the bed and starts cleaning the face sweat off the headsets while you reinstall the wireless software on the malfunctioning headset at the tiny desk the hotel provided. It needs a few minutes to finish installing. [[Sit next to Sean on the bed.->sitsean]] [[Stay where you are.->deskstay]]

<div class="text"> <div class="messages-wrapper"> <div class="message to">If you need a shoulder to sleep on, I can come sit next to you while you fall asleep.</div> <div class="message from">Sorry about that. It's embarrassing how sleepy I get in the middle of the morning sometimes.</div> <div class="message to">You looked so cute when you were sleeping...</div></div></div> {(if:$confessiontoseancrush is false)["I'm pretty sure I just looked stupid, but thanks, I think."](else:)[Sean does not respond.]} [[Go to bed.->Conference bed]] {(if: $messagedhusband is false)[[[Message your husband.->Conference message husband]]]}

<div class="text"> <div class="messages-wrapper"> <div class="message to">Thanks for lending me your headphones on the plane. Hopefully you won't get cooties from me.</div> <div class="message from">You're welcome! If I get cooties from you, I'll be sure to give them back.</div></div></div> You can't think of anything witty to reply with. [[Go to bed.->Conference bed]] (if: $messagedhusband is false)[[[Message your husband.->Conference message husband]]]

You sit next to Sean on the bed. Your shoulders brush. "I think today went well," he says as he turns towards you. "I agree." You bodies are very close to one another. [[Put your hand on his knee.->kneesean]] [[Just stay like this.->sitsean2]]

"Are you going to go party with your curator friends tonight?" you ask as you wait for the installer. "Nah, I already know them pretty well," he says without looking up. "Besides, you're one of my favorite people to hang out with." You blush a little. "You're one of my favorite people too.(if:$confessiontoseancrush is true)[Which I mentioned earlier.] I wonder what people thought of our exhibit," you reflect. "I hope it makes them think about how non-binary disabled {(if:$combineideas is true)[caregivers](else:)[people]} still need our support today," he says. "Maybe it will inspire them to make their own VR theater performances." "Maybe!" he replies. You finish repairing the headsets and Sean finishes cleaning them. "See you tomorrow," Sean says as he leaves. [[Tomorrow comes.->conference2ok]]

You rest your hand on his knee. Sean finishes cleaning the VR headset in his hands and sets it down. "Hey, none of that now," he says seriously. [[Kiss him.->kisssean2]] [[Take your hand away.->stopknee]] [[Sit back at the desk.->deskstay2]]

You can smell Sean's fresh paper and eucalyptus scent. He shifts away from you slightly to give you a little breathing room. "All those people now know a little more about the experiences of fanfiction writers during the second pandemic," you reflect. "I hope it makes them think about how non-binary disabled {(if:$combineideas is true)[caregivers](else:)[people]} still need our support today," he says. You lie down on the bed, realizing now that your legs feel completely drained of energy. You close your eyes for a minute. "Don't fall asleep yet!" Sean says, nudging your arm, "We're not done!" "I was just examining the insides of my eyelids for cracks!" You get up and fix the other two headsets. "See you tomorrow," Sean says. [[Tomorrow comes.->conference2ok]]

{(set:$triedtokiss to true)} You move your hand from his knee to his neck behind his ear, ready to draw him into a kiss. Sean grabs your wrist, pushes you away, and stands up next to the bed. "Maria, I really like you, but... not like that." You give him a longing look, your eyes slipping to his crotch. That's not a banana in his pocket. "I'm going back to my room now," he says and leaves the room. [[Apologize.->postkissapology]] [[Don't apologize.->postkissgo]]

"Sorry," you say as you retreat to the dest, a little flustered, "I don't know what I was thinking." "I'm flattered that you feel attracted to me, but I don't think it would be a good idea for us to have a romantic relationship," he says. "You're right. I promise it won't happen again." You look at the floor. The carpet here has a long-wearing pattern of loops in it. "Good. I'll see you tomorrow." [[Tomorrow comes.->conference2ok]]

You take your hand away from his knee. Sean gets up and sits in the chair by the desk. "Are you trying to seduce me?" he asks. [[Yes.->yesseduce]] [[No.->noseduce]]

"I find you incredibly attractive. It just feels like the right thing to do," you say. "'The right thing to do'? I'm flattered, but I'm not interested. I've made certain promises to my wife that I'm not about to break." His gaze is reproachful. "I'm going to go now." He leaves before you can think of what to say. [[Apologize.->postkissapology]] [[Don't apologize.->postkissgo]]

"Sorry, I don't know what came over me. I find you so attractive that it's hard to control myself sometimes." "Maria, I've felt those feelings too. But you can control them. Can you do that?" Sean looks at you with a worried expression. [[Yes.->stayfriends]] [[No.->stopfriends]]

"Yes, please, I'll do better. I still want to be friends," you say sincerely. "Good. I'll see you tomorrow." [[Tomorrow comes.->conference2ok]]

"I don't think I can promise you that," you say. Even while talking, you've been fantasizing about how this scenario could have gone differently. What if he had put his hand on your waist instead of telling you to stop? Sean looks hurt. "Well then, I'm going to go now. I like to keep my promises to my friends and family members. Especially my wife." [[The next day...->conference2notfriends]]

<div class="text"> <div class="messages-wrapper"> <div class="message to">I'm sorry.</div> <div class="message to">I was overcome by attraction to you.</div> <div class="message from">Come on. You know better. And you can control yourself.</div></div></div> He sounds upset. {(if:$triedtokiss is true)[You did nearly sexually assault him.]} <div class="text"> <div class="messages-wrapper"> <div class="message to">{(if:$triedtokiss is true)[I promise I won't try to kiss you again.](else:)[I promise not to come on to you again.]}</div></div></div> Maybe you can salvage your friendship. Tears are raining down your cheeks, but it's not allergies. <div class="text"> <div class="messages-wrapper"> <div class="message from">Can you really keep that promise?</div> <div class="message to">Yes, I can. Can we please still be friends?</div></div></div> His silence is excruciating. [[The next day...->conference2ok]]

So what if he doesn't want to have an affair with you. You were just chasing a thrill, right? <div class="text"> <div class="messages-wrapper"> <div class="message to">Do you not find me attractive?</div> <div class="message from">It's not about whether or not I find you attractive. It's about being faithful to my temple convenants and my wife. If you can't understand that, maybe we have less in common than I thought.</div></div></div> You think about how sexy he looked sitting there, helping you with the VR headsets. Maybe you should have taken things slower? {(if:$triedtokiss is true)[You were hoping for at least a kiss. One little kiss wouldn't hurt anyone, right? <br> It's difficult to fall asleep knowing that you almost sexually assaulted your friend. But you're not sorry that you tried to kiss him.](else:)[All you did was touch him on the knee. While you were both sitting on a bed. And you really wanted more from your friend.]} [[The next day...->conference2notfriends]]

{(if:$triedtokiss is true)[Much to your relief, ]}Sean keeps helping out with the VR exhibit, and you give him some time to attend a session on digital extraction methods and OS emulation. On the airplane ride home,{(if:$triedtokiss is true)[ he's careful to avoid accidental physical contact with you, and]} you have an extended discussion on the limitations of archival work and its implications for historical research. You remain friends for the rest of your time at the Digital Culture Museum, and {(if:$triedtokiss is true)[whenever you're in the same room together, he's careful to keep a foot away from you.](else:)[you still enjoy the occasional thrilling eye contact.]} Every time you talk to him, you feel a stabbing longing in your chest, but it seems to be getting better over time. {(if:$feelings is "ignore")[You didn't manage to ignore your feelings, but at least you're still friends with your co-worker.](else-if:$feelings is "use")[You stayed friends with your co-worker while having a giant crush on him! And you managed to use it to co-author an exhibition. Good job.](else:)[I know this isn't what you wanted, exactly. But at least you're friends.] <br> (if:$possiblepregnancy is true)[You get pregnant and have a baby in the next year. Your pregnancy is, as you predicted, miserable. Gloria loves having a little brother.](else:)[You decide that it's okay for Gloria to be an only child. For now.]} [[Ending 1/5: Still friends->The End]]

Sean leaves you to be in charge of the exhibit for all but the busiest hour on the last day of the conference. On the trip home, he is polite to you, but remains distant. You know that things will never be the same between you and have an ugly cry about it in the shower when you get home. Well, several ugly cries over the course of the next three months. It feels like when you lose a tooth and can't stop poking at the hole with your tongue, even though it hurts a little to do so. You try to start up a few conversations over text and email, but Sean deftly ends them. He stays distant from you for the rest of your time at the Digital Culture Museum. {(if:$confessiontohubs and $triedtokiss is true)[You tell your husband about your attempted kiss, because you're that kind of person. You also tell him that Sean isn't interested in you. He seems a little relieved.](elseif: $triedtokiss is true)[You don't tell your husband about your attempted dalliance. Nothing happened that he needs to know about.](else:)[At least you didn't try to kiss Sean.] (if:$feelings is "ignore")[You didn't manage to ignore your feelings at all! But now that he's more distant from you, it will be easier to do that.](else-if:$feelings is "use")[You did successfully co-author an exhibit with Sean. But instead of using your feelings, were they using you?](else:)[Well, you definitely made a move on Sean. But you lost a good friend in the process.] <br> (if:$possiblepregnancy is true)[You get pregnant and have a baby in the next year. Your pregnancy is, as you predicted, miserable. Gloria loves having a little sister.](else:)[You decide that it's okay for Gloria to be an only child. For now.]} [[Ending 2/5: Friendship lost->The End]]

You go straight home. Your husband made spaghetti and you heat up some of the leftovers for your dinner. While you eat, he puts Gloria to bed. Afterwards, he asks you about the exhibit and you tell him all about how you expertly linked everything together at the last minute. He tells you about a meeting he had with an important client where they uncovered a terrible miscommunication that was salvageable, at least. [[Go home and go to bed.|Weekend Obsession session 1]]

{= (replace:?sidebar)[(icon-undo: )(size:2)(icon-restart:"⟲", "Restart")] Thank you for playing my game! <br> * [Hints]<hints| (click-append: ?hints)[<br> * There is no ending where you have an affair with Sean. This is an anti-romance game. * There is a balance between coming off as a creeper and eliciting affection. * Your decision to ignore, use, or wreck with your feelings does not affect any of your choices, but it does affect the game's text.] <br> * [FAQ]<FAQ| (click-append: ?FAQ)[<br> Q: Are you Mormon?<br> A: Yes. The present-day church's name is The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.<br> <br> Q: Is this game based on personal experience?<br> A: Yes.<br> <br> Q: Is it about me??<br> A: Yes.<br> <br> Q: Have you written any other games?<br> A: Yes!<br> <br> I wrote a Mormon feminist horror game, <a href="https://rwelean.itch.io/skillicks-bride">//Skillick's Bride//</a>, which was nominated as a finalist for the short fiction category for the Association for Mormon Letters' annual awards. <br> I, my sister, and sister-in-law created two simulation-type visual novels under our Metasepia Games company: the free <a href="https://metasepia.itch.io/our-personal-space">//Our Personal Space//</a> and its sequel <a href="https://metasepia.itch.io/space-to-grow">//Space to Grow//</a>, which are about maintaining a long-term relationship and raising your children, respectively. Google featured our company on their "WeArePlay" campaign, which included a <a href="https://twitter.com/Rachel_Helps/status/1544521315087839232">book</a> and a <a href="https://twitter.com/Rachel_Helps/status/1542295956569219072?s=20&t=SfsEuRiBKI1oNBPCBwwFLw">website</a>. <br> Q: Are you an exhibit artist in real life?<br> A: No, I work in an academic library as a Wikipedian-in-residence. <br> Q: Can I follow you on Twitter? A: <a href="https://twitter.com/Rachel_Helps">Yes.</a> <br> Q: Did you create a Spotify soundtrack inspired by //Admiration Point//?<br> A: What an oddly specific question. <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0OlshftBe4mbP6qguSbeQY?si=3c9e1c9d02c84639">Yes.</a>] <br> * [Credits]<credits| (click-append: ?credits)[<br> Thank you to my testers: Andrea Landaker, Michael Austin, Kjerste Christensen, Kurt Madsen, Tod Robbins, Ray, Robert Bennett, and those who preferred to not be named! Sorry I didn't do a dark mode or a mobile-friendly mode this time. I will figure it out eventually! <br> The blog excerpts are from Tracy McKay's (real) blog: * <a href="https://dandelionmama.com/2008/01/30/random-crappy-darkness/">On food assistance.</a> (<a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20220426163745/https://dandelionmama.com/2008/01/30/random-crappy-darkness/">archival link</a>) * <a href="https://dandelionmama.com/2005/09/29/for-the-record/">On disliking being pregnant.</a> (<a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20220426163733/https://dandelionmama.com/2005/09/29/for-the-record/">archival link</a>) <br> Michael Austin's review of //The Burning Point// is taken from <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/35509223-the-burning-point?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=htCCn8dBZZ&rank=2">his Goodreads review</a> of the book. (<a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20220426163557/https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/35509223-the-burning-point?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=htCCn8dBZZ&rank=2">archival link</a>) <br> Apologies to <a href="https://northernspells.com/collections/stickers/products/ghibli-sticker-sheet-s02">Northern Spells</a> for my amateur remixing of their composition of Calcifer from //Howl's Moving Castle//.] <br> * [Influences]<influences| (click-append: ?influences)[<br> Zines: * <a href="https://www.etsy.com/listing/933077414/cultural-look-at-memes-zine">A Cultural Look at Memes</a> * <a href="https://www.etsy.com/listing/827040983/not-your-pretentious-curators-museum">Not Your Pretentious Curator's Museum Guidebook</a> Articles: * Joshua Citarella's "Do we need new platforms for new stories?" from <a href="https://shop.spikeartmagazine.com/product/spike-epaper-issue-69-storytelling">//Spike Art Magazine: Storytelling// Issue 69, Autumn 21.</a> I didn't read this article until after I had written most of the game, but it's a great example of the kind of academic analysis of internet content that I imagine being common in Maria's world. Interactive Fiction: * <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/49532444-consider-the-consequences">//Consider the Consequences!// (1930)</a> is considered to be the first game book. Its content focuses on what to do for your career and romance. It offers extensive branching with three different characters. For the woman's route, she has many romantic options, including homewrecking her editor! The endings go for realism, not sappy happily-ever-after, which I appreciated. This book is really hard to find, but if you have access to an academic library, they may be able to inter-library loan it for you. It will be in the public domain in a few years! Works by friends: * Steve Peck's "The Problem" from <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/25961385-wandering-realities">//Wandering Realities: Mormonish Short Fiction//</a> also deals with the theme of a Mormon experiencing attraction to someone other than their spouse, in this case a bishop. * A friend of mine at the Mormon artist collective, <a href="https://www.arch-hive.net/">The ARCH-HIVE</a>, is developing <a href="https://twitter.com/NewZionGame">this parser-based Mormon horror game</a> and I am filled with hope for the future of Mormon videogames. * Sean's book chapters and writing style are inspired by <a href="https://www.alastore.ala.org/content/libraries-leadership-and-scholarly-communication-essays-rick-anderson">//Libraries, Leadership, and Scholarly Communication//</a>. ]

Any author worth their salt has an authority file. It says that he was born in 2042. So he's in his fifties. Isn't that what he said at the lunch? So he is, technically, old enough to be your dad, but he would have to have been really young at the time of your conception... Whatever, it doesn't matter. Why is this weirding you out? You should treat your co-workers the same no matter their age. [[Go back to sagebrush.]]

The Digital Culture Museum has a lunch to say goodbye to you. {(if: $affection > 2)[Sean shakes your hand and you enjoy a lingering gaze as he tells you it was a pleasure working with you.] (else:)[Sean came to the lunch, but he didn't even say anything to you.](if:$feelings is "ignore")[ Getting a job somewhere else is a good way to avoid confronting your feelings for Sean. Smart choice.](else-if:$feelings is "use")[ You weren't able to use your feelings for Sean to help your career.](else:)[ Working at a different company will not help you achieve your goal of having a romantic encounter with Sean.]} You enjoy creating botanical models for DyadVR for several years, and it's fun to work with your friend again. [[Ending 4/5: Avoidance->The End]]

(append:?sidebar) [<span class="email">(if:$feelingset is true)[ You plan to ''$feelings'' your feelings. (text-style:"underline","condense")[Your obsession] {[(if: $obsession < 3)[<img src="https://rickertonites.neocities.org/Admiration%20Point/Spiral1.png" alt="no obsession">] (else-if: $obsession is 3)[<img src="https://rickertonites.neocities.org/Admiration%20Point/Spiral2.png" alt="Obsession low (1)">] (else-if: $obsession is 4)[<img src="https://rickertonites.neocities.org/Admiration%20Point/Spiral3.png" alt="Obsession medium (2)">] (else-if: $obsession is 5)[<img src="https://rickertonites.neocities.org/Admiration%20Point/Spiral4.png" alt="Obsession medium (3)">] (else-if: $obsession is 6)[<img src="https://rickertonites.neocities.org/Admiration%20Point/Spiral5.png" alt="Obsession medium (4)">] (else-if: $obsession is 7)[<img src="https://rickertonites.neocities.org/Admiration%20Point/Spiral6.png" alt="Obsession medium (5)">] (else-if: $obsession is 8)[<img src="https://rickertonites.neocities.org/Admiration%20Point/Spiral7.png" alt="Obsession medium (6)">] (else-if: $obsession is 9)[<img src="https://rickertonites.neocities.org/Admiration%20Point/Spiral8.png" alt="Obsession high (7)">] (else-if: $obsession is 10)[<img src="https://rickertonites.neocities.org/Admiration%20Point/Spiral9.png" alt="Obsession high (8)">] (else-if: $obsession is 11)[<img src="https://rickertonites.neocities.org/Admiration%20Point/Spiral10.png" alt="Obsession high (9). The spiral is complete">] ]} (text-style:"underline","condense")[Sean's affection for you] {(if: $affection is 0)[<img src="https://rickertonites.neocities.org/Admiration%20Point/cloud.png" alt="A single cloud">] (else-if: $affection is 1)[<img src="https://rickertonites.neocities.org/Admiration%20Point/cloud2.png" alt="A cloud with a little bit of sunlight appearing behind it.">] (else-if: $affection is 2)[<img src="https://rickertonites.neocities.org/Admiration%20Point/cloud3.png" alt="A cloud with a medium amount of sun appearing behind it.">] (else-if: $affection is 3)[<img src="https://rickertonites.neocities.org/Admiration%20Point/cloud4.png" alt="The sun shines brightly behind a cloud.">] (else-if: $affection > 3)[<img src="https://rickertonites.neocities.org/Admiration%20Point/cloud5.png" alt="The sun is shining without any clouds.">]} (text-style:"underline","condense")[Sean's alert level] {[(if: $alert is 0)[<img src="https://rickertonites.neocities.org/Admiration%20Point/Q1.png" alt="An empty question mark.">] (else-if: $alert is 1)[<img src="https://rickertonites.neocities.org/Admiration%20Point/Q2.png" alt="A question mark filled 1/3 of the way.">] (else-if: $alert is 2)[<img src="https://rickertonites.neocities.org/Admiration%20Point/Q3.png" alt="A question mark filled 2/3rds of the way.">] (else-if: $alert > 2)[<img src="https://rickertonites.neocities.org/Admiration%20Point/!.png" alt="An exclamation point.">] ]}] {(link:"Save")[ (if:(save-game:"Slot A"))[ Game saved! ](else: )[ Sorry, I couldn't save your game. ]] <br> (if:(saved-games:) contains "Slot A")[(link: "Load" + ("Slot A") of (saved-games: ))[ (load-game: "Slot A") ]]} </span>]

This is a near-future anti-romance. {[(text-style:"underline")[Game description]]<game| (click-append: ?game)[<br> You play as a 3D virtual exhibit artist for a digital culture museum. She is a married Mormon woman who is sexually attracted to men. Your actions affect variables which in turn affect the actions of other characters and the game's narrative.] <br> [(text-style:"underline")[Content description]]<content| (click-append: ?content)[<br> This game's sexual content is mild. It describes sexual desire, intent to be unfaithful, obsessive interest in another person, and anxiety about that interest.] <br> [(text-style:"underline")[Advance praise for //Admiration Point//]]<advance| (click-append: ?advance)[<br> "What this game shows us is that we always have choices, that we always have agency, and that marital fidelity is a matter of making affirmative choices rather than just 'staying away from temptation.'" -Michael Austin, Mormon literary critic <br> "I like how you sink the reader into this uncomfortable situation that is probably more common than we might think but isn't really talked about much." -Andrea Landaker, my sister and sometimes co-writer]} [[Begin->Game start]]